If you can, try holding the pieces before you buy them, and imagine tryingj to manipulate food with them. This can help you avoid bad balance, pieces that just don't feel good in the hand, knives that are awkward to cut with, spoons that are too wide for mouth comfort, and so on. Also, if it matters to you, think of your available storage and how well the pieces will stack/fit.

Oddly, several people I know have all independently gotten Oneida's "Flight" silverware -- my partner and I each had that before we started dating, so now we have a big matching set. We're quite happy with it.

(Oh, also -- consider cleaning it. If you don't have a dishwasher, you might not want to go for anything with finicky ridges or textures.)

I was lucky enough to inherit my parents' flatware when they purchased a new set 10 years ago, and I still absolutely love it. The line I have is Oneida's "Patrick Henry," which was discontinued, but it is very similar to their current "Colonial Boston." It is a good weight, has a classic look, and is not easily scratched. The pieces I have must have been in continuous use for almost 20 years, and are still in excellent condition. I think it can be a pain to purchase a style that has been discontinued, as it becomes increasingly difficult & expensive to buy replacement pieces (I have luckily substituted additional serving pieces from the latter line, because they are conveniently similar). Here are Oneida's top 10 lines: http://www.oneida.com/casual-flatware/top-ten-casual-patterns.html

I absolutely love my Muji cutlery--the rounded, not the boxy style. It feels wonderful in your hand.

More than how it would look, I worried about how my flatware would hold up. Be sure to look for 18/10 (the 10 is the nickel content). Cheap flatware (from Ross, Target, Kohls, other discounters) often doesn't even have ANY nickel in it (18/0) and won't hold up. We had to bump up to department stores (Macy's is where I got mine I think) before a) we could find the nickel content we wanted and b) we could handle individual pieces and get a feel for them in our hands. We went with Lenox Portola. Happy shopping!

Check out WMF. You can try it at any high-end department store, and the sets (with serving pieces!) are even cheaper online.

I have the Mesa silverware from Crate and Barrel and love them. Simple, yet different due to the hammered treatment.

My husband and I recently upgraded, too, with the same criteria as you--simple with a bit of flair. We ended up with Towle Wave, which you can get at Bed & Bath (with 20% off coupon!--such a deal!)

Also check that the knife can lie on the edge of the plate the way people place it when they're not using it. We got Torun flatware which is beautiful but the knife won't stay put until you learn how to set it down. It's silly to have to explain this at a dinner party.

Luckily (???) our set got lost in one of our many moves.

I have the Gorham Studio flatware. I'm not sure if you would consider it to have much flair, but I think they are a great weight and can go everyday or fancy dinner parties. Only warning would be not to use the scrubby side of a sponge on them cause they do scratch a little and start to look frosted. Either way I still love my set 3 years later.

I really like my J.A. Henckels set. This set has the right weight and feels very balanced in my hands. The set is complete with servingware and I like that it doesn't cost a fortune either.

I second the Henckels suggestion. They offer an 18/10 service for 8, plus a hostess set, for around $100. One simple pattern: Opus

Dansk Bistro Cafe http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/dansk-bistro-cafe-stainless-flatware-collection?ID=154031

I wanted to invest in a set myself, when I moved into a new place. I was tired of having mixed and matched silverware. I ended up with a set from Villeroy & Boch and couldn't be happier. You get what you pay for and I got it for a good deal (it was on sale, direct from the manufacturer).

I ended up getting Oneida Flight, but now wish I'd give with a matte finish, like what my parents have ( probably the Patrick Henry mentioned above)

In general, you get what you pay for with flatware. Read http://www.silversuperstore.com/stainless_steel_flatware/quality_differences.html

I love my Waterford flatware - heavy, dishwasher safe, durable, elegant. However, it is European-sized - the forks and teaspoons are larger than traditional USA sizes. Waterford also offers different steels in its knife blades depending on usage needs.

We have Oneida Icarus silverware. It has a nice heft and has lasted well. The look is fairly simple and clean.

EBay is a great source for vintage silver plated flatware; my set is by Holmes & Edwards in the "Danish Princess" pattern. It's elegant with a nice heft & is still widely available. I don't recall exactly what I paid for a full set with serving pieces but I'm sure it was less than a $100. It had been very well cared for, practically new. Knife rests or porte couteaux are another great vintage item which will save your tablecloth from damage- perfect for those slightly odd knives.

Personally, I love Achille Castiglione's "Dry" Cutlery, in production since 1982 at Alessi. It has a full range of pieces from which to choose, including many serving pieces (particularly love their espresso spoon). It is sold all over, including Amazon, but here it is in the collection of the Victoria and Albert Museum:

http://collections.vam.ac.uk/item/O135765/dry-cutlery-set-castiglioni-achille/

Another every-day favorite is LCD02-40 also by Alessi.

http://www.alessi.com/en/3/2249/cutlery-sets/40-cutleryflatware-set

It's beautifully balanced, comfortable in hand, and unusual without anything nonfunctional or extraneous.

Since I can never decide, and love using different silverware, I'd also suggest mixed vintage silverware (yes, it can be used daily):

http://www.potterybarn.com/products/sheffield-heirloom-flatware/?pkey=csilverware-flatware&cm_src=silverware-flatware||NoFacet-_-NoFacet-_--_-

http://www.anthropologie.com/anthro/product/home-serve/073830.jsp

Or this hardwearing classic (which also comes in s/s)

http://www.125west.com/p-6599-sambonet-baguette-epns.aspx

Try Gourmet settings I have 3 sets of this great for everyday as well as nice dinners http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/product.asp?SKU=100308 use the 20%off coupon--- you can some times find them in Marshall's for a lot less also the manufactures web site has good deals and they make very good stuff http://www.gourmetsettings.com/clearance

I Have three sets of the Exotique pattern http://www.gourmetsettings.com/exotique-platinum?&search_id=393514

Another vote for WMF. I like the modern, unfussy design, and the pieces are well balanced, have the right amount of weight, and are streamlined enough to fit into the slots in a dishwasher basket or tray.

Check David Mellor flatware. He was an industrial designer from Sheffield (home of British silversmiths) renowned for his flatware. It is beautifully balanced, the shapes are classic (you will not tire of them as with more trendy designs), and the pieces very solid and well made. His flatware has been in every British Embassy the world over (the Embassy line).

http://www.davidmellordesign.com/acatalog/David_Mellor_Cutlery.html

We have the Couture set by Crate & Barrel. It was really important to my husband that it was large enough for his hands and slightly heavy. We wanted it dishwasher safe and had the nickel in it. We're quite happy with it.

http://www.crateandbarrel.com/couture-flatware/f1514

I would suggest going to a kitchen shop that has been around for eons and has an owner that knows a great deal. Look for something that the owner has carried for decades and has open stock. What I mean by open is that you can buy a the standard place setting (knife fork teaspoon) for say four or six... and that when funds allow go back and get some more.

I also recommend that you use it for every day. Saving stuff like that for a special occasion is a sure fire way to make nothing special enough.

I was never happier than when we decided to get rid of our crap every day dishes and the dishes we had deemed "special" became everyday because when you get down to it...every day is special.

My husband and I registered for and LOVE our Henkels Bellasera set. It's nice enough for entertaining, but we use it everyday. The knives stand up on their sides. Our guests always comment on our placesettings on the table!

Fantastic - I will be checking out all of your suggestions and for what it's worth will post what cutlery we decided on. Thanks for all of your links and ideas!