We have a few guidelines we follow that take into account who's asking (i.e. don't ask the Take-out Queen to make dessert) and what's convenient for us, since we've planned and cooked the meal. Read on for our tips...
Don't rely on guests for appetizers. Whether you are setting out a cheese plate or making something more complicated, you want the appetizer ready to go when people arrive. If the friend bringing the crudite gets stuck in traffic, you're stuck, too. For a guest who barely knows his way around a grocery store, you could ask for an extra box of crackers to have as backup in case you run low.
Booze always works. Of course, most people will happily show up with a bottle of wine. We always appreciate this because we aren't wine experts, and if the guest offering is, we'll happily tell her what we're cooking. But if you are picky about which wines to serve (and probably won't serve the guest's), suggest a bottle of prosecco. It's inexpensive, celebratory, and good to drink pre-dinner. Most people like bubbles.
Salads and side dishes are risky. Potlucks are one thing. If you are planning a cohesive menu, it's dicey asking someone to bring a salad or vegetable unless you know their cooking. You can't be too pushy about what you want, and while we're all for casual entertaining and being flexible, you decided to have the dinner party. You probably know what you want to cook already.
Desserts are safer. Dessert is usually more important to us than the main course, so we like to make our own. But it's easy to ask friends to pick up a good bar of chocolate or some cookies as a little extra. If you aren't as controlling about your sweets as we are, and you have a guest who's offering dessert, take it. Anything sugary is usually decent, and if they forget... see booze, above.
Use their skills. Telling someone, "I've got everything I need. But I'd love your help mixing a few martinis when you get here," especially if that person makes good martinis, lets the guest feel useful and answers the "What can I bring?" question easily.
What's your go-to answer when dinner guests ask what they can bring? What do you like to bring when you're the guest?
(Images: Wine.com and Faith Hopler)
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Comments (14)
In Holland, people usually bring a bouquet of flowers when they are invited for dinner. I make sure that the flowers are properly arrange and cut so the host/ess doesn't have to spend too much time looking for a vase and arranging and cutting them.
Other than flowers, I usually bring bon bons, home made cookies/cakes or pie, a selection of cheese or nuts/japanese crackers/wasabi peas for something to have with after dinner drinks. If I bring Prosecco or champagne or white wine, I usually chill them before we leave.
Sometimes I bring something that is just for the hostess and not the dinner like raspberry eau de vie, special olive oil/vinegar or vanilla pods if I know the hostess is an ardent cook/baker.
I try to bring flowers (but you know, I never thought of cutting and arranging first... that would be great).
Since I love to cook but rarely entertain, I also bring 'miscellaneous nothings' - usually some tidbit I've seen online and want to try... spiced almonds, roasted chickpeas, sweet & sassy cashews... munchie sort of stuff.
And I have been known to bring the entire meal, after inviting guests to someone ELSE'S house for dinner. ;)
Great ideas - and I adore Prosecco. Can anyone recommend some good bottles? thanks!
Personally, what I bring depends on the person, and how well I know them. FLowers/wine are always a safe bet.
As for the question "What shall I bring" - my usual response is "Your best personality and that winning smile" or some such.
As a guest you should always remember to respect your host or hostess's wishes when you ask what to bring!
I had a dinner party recently and a guest asked what to bring. I said booze. Not only did booze arrive, but so did a baguette (although I already had one) and a chocolate cake. I spent the better part of a Saturday afternoon slaving over profiteroles and felt compelled to serve the chocolate cake the guest brought. :(
Normally it would be great to have more dessert but there were only five of us at dinner (we didn't even make it through half the cake) and I live alone so extra dessert always eventually ends up in the trash.
Arran - we've tried a few Prosecco labels. We currently like Borgo del Col Alto from the Veneto region.
in place of prosecco, you could try moscato di asti - along the same lines, though a little sweeter than dry.
since we tend to be all-or-nothing entertainer types, i usually assign wine - red, white, or dessert - but depending who asks, sometimes first course (soup, salad) or dessert.
I'm going to invite more Dutch people around, they sound really polite and thoughtful!
I would also prefer flowers since I usually want to be in control of the food and drink, and I always try to bring flowers if the host is not specific.
My usual response is to ask close friends/family to bring something for dessert or whatever they'd like to drink, because a. I don't like to bake, and b. I rarely drink.
Another response, especially if I'm just having an open-house type party, is to bring a friend, add to the fun!
I have found that often when I ask "what can I bring?" I get the "just bring yourself" answer. My mother suggested (and I've found this works) to instead ask, "can I bring ___?" I fill in the blank with a standard and usually accepted answer, like desert, wine, a salad, etc, depending on the event and people involved. I rarely get refused, and then I know that I'm bringing something that is within my means and abilities. It helps the host know what to suggest as well, if my suggestion isn't something they need, so they're not put completely on the spot.
I usually ask friends to bring bread, because it's something that a) I usually forget and b) is easy to find at a store/bakery. Also, baguettes go with just about any dinner.
I usually volunteer to bring dessert. If the offer is accepted I always discuss with the host -- "How about a coconut flan, that might be nice with the curry-- or would you prefer a fruit tart, or something chocolate?" That way, you don't mess up the balance of the meal. If the offer of dessert is refused, I ask if there's something else I can help with. If the answer is no, I bring flowers and something non-perishable like excellent olives, or Marcona almonds. I suggest that my hosts feel free to serve it or keep it for later, whatever they prefer.
These are great suggestions. I never know how to answer the "what can I bring?" question because half the time I can't tell if the person asking is serious, or just trying to be polite.
we usually bring good dark chocolate or truffles (the chocolate variety ;-)