Do you set a place for yourself at the table when you're at home and dining alone? Do you put out a napkin and the full array of cutlery and maybe even light a candle? Perhaps you prop open a book for company or listen to the radio? Truth is, most of us are more likely to find ourselves in front of the TV or computer, with our plate balanced on our laps and our eyes glued to the screen.
It's challenging to dine alone and it's even more challenging to set a proper place at the table when there is no one there to share your meal. This doesn't have to do with effort or time, for it takes very little of both to do this. Even so, many solo diners 'just don't bother.' Why is that?
Perhaps sitting alone at the table only serves to punctuate our aloneness, as we stare at the empty chairs around us. Perhaps civility and manners only make sense when we're sharing space with others. Or maybe we just find our own company a little boring and we're uncomfortable without our distractions.
Much depends on how often we eat alone, too. If it's a rare thing, then a nice quiet meal eaten at the table might feel refreshing. But if it's every night, or nearly every night, then it's very easy to abandon the table for the comfort and company of the couch and TV.
How do I deal with this? First, I don't make it a hard and fast rule to only sit at the table for a solo dinner. I allow myself a dinner with the telly every now and then and think there's nothing wrong with that. But I do enjoy eating at the table, too, and appreciate the ritual and discipline that it offers. In order to encourage myself to do this, I usually fuss a little and set a pleasing table. Things like a little vase with flowers or a candle or a favorite napkin add to the appeal of sitting down to a solo meal.
I'm also not adverse to bring a favorite book to the table for company. I know that the food gurus discourage this but the truth be told if you often dine solo, then eating every meal mindfully and without distraction can be an impossibly high bar. A good book is a nice middle ground and feels somewhat more civilized than watching Game of Thrones on my laptop.
How do you encourage yourself to eat at the table when you're dining alone?
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Usually I sit out at our kitchen island (where we eat breakfast, lunch, and many dinners anyway), and set the place (cloth napkin, flatware, glass, our daily dishes) and eat--probably listening to music or podcasts. I tend not to read when I eat--I find it distracting. Since we have a DVR, if I want to watch tv at that time, I just set it to record.
Before I was married with children, I lived alone. There were many nights that I cooked an amazing dinner for myself. On those nights, I sat at the dining table and savored my meal. On other nights, I sat in front of the TV and ate pizza out of the box. Both experiences were okay with me. I don't mind eating alone, so I really don't remember trying to find ways to make it less lonely.
I love to eat alone and with a 4yr old at home, I very rarely get to anymore with the exception of the occassional breakfast and lunch. But when it was just my hubby and I, a dinner by myself was an occassion to set a nice table for myself, cook what I want, settle in with a glass of wine, a food magazine with some good tunes in the background. I have no doubts that I would do the same now given the chance.
Definitely! I think there's something very special and important about maintaining a lovely dining experience, even if it's just for myself.
Meals are a sharing time with my family. I would rather just skip a meal than eat alone. I avoid dining out alone like the plague. If Im hungry ill just munch a pickle or a pretzel or two while I'm doing something else. I grew up in a time when the table was where the family got together to discuss their day and to laugh. Eating alone just does not feel right to me at all. So no I do not ritualize the place settings for my pickle.
I eat alone, usually on the couch with a tray that I do place a full setting. I find it distracting to try to flip through a mag or surf the net. I will however watch a movie. If Im having dinner home with my guy...it depends, the more work I put it in the more formal, if we order pizza...I might be sprawled out on the floor on a pouf drinking beer from the bottle.
I love the middle ground approach. I think it's like life. Sometimes we do it up all fancy and mindfully and sometimes we just eat out of the pot over the sink. And mostly it's somewhere in the middle.
Actually when we eat as a family we are slobbish - we use trays and gawk at cooking shows (Nadia G, Iron Chef etc) while eating. When I'm alone I get the good cloth napkins, plug in the holiday lights (in place of a candle) and enjoy. Although most of the time I am in fact reading a book or newspaper. Reading while I eat is a very ingrained habit.
I've been making more of a commitment to eating all meals and snacks at the table. That way it brings more awareness to what I'm eating and brings purpose to it. I found that when I was on the go and eating in the car that was when I was eating the less quality foods that I normally wouldn't. It's all about mindfulness.
I find comments like hunter606's very sad. Do people who won't eat alone really hate themselves so much that they find the idea of a 1/2 hour with only themselves for company so unbearable? If I'm eating alone, I may have a book open or be in front of the TV, but there's always real food on my plate - I think I'm worth more than ramen noodles or cold pizza. Tonight, for instance, I'll be eating by myself after work and the gym and have chicken marinating in a garlic/mustard/smoked paprika glaze that I'll grill along with some farmers' market asparagus.
@HLG22 - What? How does a preference to dine with others imply self-loathing? hunter606's comment you find sad but I find really logical. I think a lot of it is cultural, how you're brought up - in France I found mealtimes were really treasured and emphasised as a communal experience, so much so that my host was really hurt and bothered when these two American kids went ahead and fed themselves only.
I live alone and I just do whatever I feel like at the time. If I feel like reading or writing or surfing the web, I eat at the table. If I feel like watching TV, I eat in front of the TV off the coffee table.
Whether or not to set the table never occurs to me. It's not something I do unless I have dinner guests or eat at someone else's house.
@Mal de Caribou, you're missing the point. It's not an issue of a preference to dine with others - I think many if not most people would prefer to eat with others and enjoy a communal meal. But pretty much everyone also finds themselves alone for a meal from time to time - spouse's business trip or working late, kids' activities, etc. So yes, I do find it pretty sad that someone would actually prefer to skip a meal altogether rather than (gasp!) eating alone, what that happens.
QUOTE: I find comments like hunter606's very sad. Do people who won't eat alone really hate themselves so much that they find the idea of a 1/2 hour with only themselves for company so unbearable?
@HLG22: Mm...I don't find it sad at all, just a fact. I'm guilty of the same thing NOT however because I don't like being alone. In fact, I enjoy some alone time - crave it even - when life makes it impossible. But like hunter606, I grew up in a time when the table was where the family got together to discuss their day and to laugh.
I suspect hunter & I might be from a different era and/or culture when family was a priority over *self*. What's SAD is that this concept is on the endangered list in today's society. I am thankful that my kids bypassed this trend and make family dinners an event in their own homes. What makes me sad is that so many likely have no idea what I'm talking about.
@Mal de Caribou - I think you missed the point. Of course dining can be a communal experience -- if you have others to commune with. If not, why deprive yourself of a lovely meal simply because you're the only one at the table? I agree with HLG22. That's just sad.
I agree wit HLG22 and am disappointed by hunter's comment. Like @creative license said, dining can be a communal experience, I grew up eating dinner with my family 7 days a week until I moved out at 20, however if you do not have others to dine with why should you forgo a meal just because you don't want to eat alone? That to me is just silly.
I work in an office by myself all day long nearly every day, and when I was living by myself, the last thing I wanted was another silent half hour to "contemplate" things. Having the tv for company was a great thing. That said, now that I'm living with other human beings, it is very nice to have a quiet, special dinner every now and then.
QUOTE: I think you missed the point. Of course dining can be a communal experience -- if you have others to commune with. If not, why deprive yourself of a lovely meal simply because you're the only one at the table? I agree with HLG22. That's just sad.
@CREATIVE LICENSE: Thinking it's not Mal who missed the point.
My wife is out of town, and I will tell you that I definitely do NOT set the table. It wouldn't really make sense when I'm just eating Mac & Cheese out of the pot I cooked it in.
While it's a tiny screen instead of a big one, I found that my iPhone has now forced me out of eating on my bed and instead at my little dining table. Although I may still be hooked on technology... at least I feel a little more civilized!
Nope, I take my meals on the couch when alone. If you somehow enjoy your meals more when you're sitting alone at a table, that's fine for you, but if I can eat my delicious food AND watch some Star Trek from my comfy couch at the same time, for me it makes both of those things even better.
I don't even eat at the table.
Wow. I live alone and love eating by myself. Depending on what's going on in my life, I'll cook a meal, and since I don't have a formal table (studio), I'll set the little table/ottoman with items I need for a meal. Or I'll just curl up on the couch with my bowl of food (I find bowl dinners quick and comforting), I'll even pour myself some wine, sometimes candles. But in any event, I don't deprive myself because I don't have "dining companions" because if I did, I wouldn't be very kind to myself. I even enjoy dining out alone as well.
Sometimes it's nice to be alone catering to my own needs, especially since I have to cater to so many others' during the day.
I rarely even use a plate, let alone set the table. I kick back on the recliner, sometimes with a paper plate if I'm feeling really fancy, otherwise I'll usually just eat out of the pan, tray, or whatever the food came in.
@ Discerning: How very judgmental and condescending of you.
For many people, eating alone has nothing to do with 'prioritizing self over family'; they eat alone because they *live* alone. Your children are not unique: plenty of us were brought up in families where everyone ate at the table together, and will do so again when we have our own families.
@ Charlie26: Methinks you misunderstood. I do not make condenscending comments on public forums. It's unbecoming. Nothing I said was in any way directed at anyone who enjoys eating alone. It was just a general statement about the state of our current society. I see too many of my friends' families who [almost] never enjoy a meal together.
In fact, I envy those who enjoy dining alone. Wish I was one:) Until recently, we almost always had a crowded dinner table. Then the military moved my kids 3000 miles away & the hubs has been traveling for 2-3 wks at a time. I find myself snacking to avoid a solitary 'meal' (although I do eat healthy snacks - lots of raw veggies). I enjoy cooking & have tried making a production out of a meal but but my appetite disappears when I sit down to an otherwise empty table. If you have any tips for me, I'd sure love to hear them.
blessings on you,
*resisting the urge to correct my typos - pls excuse them*
No. I eat in front of the computer or tv.... terrible.