I'm typically too grateful that someone is feeding me delicious food to be concerned about when it is being served. Having said that, when I have people over for dinner I usually say something like "dinner is at 6 but feel free to come around 5:30 or whenever." If they show up early i hand them a cocktail, if they are right on time they eat right on time (I'll still offer them a cocktail I'm not a monster).

Usually I give them a few minutes. This happens naturally as I don't put hot food out until everyone is getting seated and ready for dinner. If I put it out to soon then it will either A. be cold when everyone is ready to eat or B.(most likely option) My cats will notice that people aren't gathered around the table and decide the feast must obviously be for them then and that they should just help themselves.

I tend to serve meals quite a bit after when guests arrive. for some reason i have the idea/habit of preparing the end of the meal while guests are there....which leaves guests free to relax a bit with drinks and also (always!!) some appetizers. Because I tend to have very leisurely meals I always make sure that I have something for people to snack on...something even as simple as some olives, cheese and bread and a bowl of almonds.

I would similarly be very disoriented by eating directly after arriving...for me part of the fun is all the chit chat and lingering before and after a meal :)

This reminded me of The Office episode in which they go to Michael & Jan's house for dinner. Jan's making Osso Bucco, and it needs to braise for three hours before they eat. The opposite extreme, I guess!

We've only started hosting dinner parties about two years ago and find them to be great fun. We've taken a cue from good friends of ours who are consummate hosts and always serve a glass of champagne or bellinis and light hors d'oeuvres. It's such a nice way to welcome folks to our home and ease into the dinner.

Unless the writer was late and the dinner was ready, there should have been some transition time before being seated for the meal. All of my friends have a "cocktail" time upon arrival to give everyone a chance to arrive. The late-comers may find that they will be seated immediately because it's time to eat! Only one friend seats us at the table the moment we arrive, but often the other guests are late so we sit there at the table waiting. The hostess leaves all the food in the oven so due to the latecomers we eat dry, overcooked food. Every time. After several years of this we've decided not to go there for dinner anymore.

As long as guests know what to expect, I think whatever is fine. I don't like having to wait around being hungry for an hour or two, with no appetizers. That has happened.

@Claireooto...that was a great episode; makes me laugh just thinking about it. But I always like to have a period of 1/2 hour to 1 hour before we eat...if its the latter then I always ensure nibbles are available to take the edge off of the hunger.

looks like the little girl couldn't wait...lol

I think the liminal space is always important. If what you want from a dinner party is good friends, sharing, intimacy and conversation, it is important that there be a chance for everyone to switch gears. I remember someone once telling me "just because the body is there doesn't mean the person is." Basically just because my body shows up, doesn't mean my mind or emotions are in sync with that.

If its a week night dinner with close friends, then we head straight to the dinner table n hang around and talk and eat....But weekend/friday dinner is more relaxed.. Drinks starters n then dinner a bit ... I would offer something to drink first either way.

doesn't this depend on the circumstances? if you live in a small apartment you might not have the luxury of space for cocktails and dinner. and if it's a weeknight, it might be a more casual, come for dinner, and here it is! typically we invite people for say 7 with dinner at 730, and let them know so they don't stress about being late, and so that i don't leave food in the oven getting overcooked :)

It's not just the guests who appreciate the transition. After I've been cooking and setting the table, and picking wine and getting the bar ready, and making sure I haven't forgotten to do something, it's nice to sit for a while with a glass or wine or cocktail and take a breather with my friends before getting all the food out on the table.

We have friends who are European and our styles are quite different. When invited over to their home for dinner, if asked to arrive at five, dinner is usually served around 6:30 or 7. There are always snacks, sweets and/or appetizers. They serve their children tea and cake around five most evenings. When I invite them, I have the meal ready. I've felt that they find this uncomfortable and am trying not to be so tied to my old ways and time schedule.

I pretty much always wait 30 mins to an hour after people get here. I mean, I plan on having dinner ready about 30 mins after arrival time, but I'm always running late, so it's usually an hour. There are snacks out- nuts, olives, stuff like that. And copious amounts of wine. I don't think space is an issue- in my old studio I'd do the same thing, even though the pre-dinner area (couch and coffee table and floor) was the same as the dinner area. And I didn't have enough silverware so everyone had to bring a fork, and depending on numbers, sometimes wine was served in mugs. Glad to have enough silverware now, and a dining room table, and enough glasses...

But I dont mind so much how other people serve dinner. I prefer a little time to sit and adjust, but I'm just happy to be in good company most of the time, and really enjoy seeing how other people do things.

I like to invite guests at one hour early and provide them an appetizer, or cocktail or glass of wine. I want them to loosen up, relax, and get ready for a fun meal. This time also allows me to finish any cooking required for the dinner.

*oriented.

When you serve buffet-style, every party is relaxed and everyone can eat at their own pace.

I follow the 1/2 hour rule that I've seen repeated in the comments (plan dinner for a half hour after you told people to arrive, with it sometimes running later), but I have a ridiculously inconsiderate circle of acquaintances, so if I tell people to show up at 5:00, I'm lucky if the early ones are there by 5:15. Which contributes to the perception that I'm forcing people to sit down and eat right away.

I try to serve dinner within maybe a half our of guests arrival. I know I've been to a couple dinner parties where dinner was served a couple hours after arrival, and while I would never complain, I was famished by the time we were served. Everyone has their own style, so I shouldn't just assume that other people do it my way, because that's not always the case.

Most of the meals I host are potluck-style, so it's not usually an option to start eating right as someone arrives... Their food has to be prepped first, lol.

Being welcomed with a drink is great way to start in my book. I have a friend who eats ASAP and then makes jittery signals after we have barely finished eating, so we end up leaving quickly. It all leaves me out of breath.

To me a dinner party takes some time to enjoy it and the company.

To be fair, I should admit that I grew up in a family where three hour meals were the norm on Sunday and special occasions.

Ugh, my aunt does this at every thanksgiving/dinner I have ever gone to at her house, I absolutely despise it. While I am usually hungry when I arrive, I like a little time to relax and wind down and just talk or drink with friends and family instead of going straight to the table to watch people stuff their faces.

I like to serve a few crostini and cocktails for the first hour (while guests are arriving), then sit down to dinner and wine.

There is nothing worse than being invited for 7 pm dinner and the hostess is cooking the meal the whole time and you are just sitting around (like tonight!!!), dinner was finally served at 9:30 pm! Dessert at 10:30. Just make the party for 9! yikes!

I have friends who operate at the other extreme. If they tell you to come for dinner at 7, you will still be snacking on cheese and crackers at 10. By then, I'm usually drunk, tired and over it.

Last time I was there, the hosts sat around drinking and snacking with the guests, with nothing more substantial appearing. At 11:50 pm (not exaggerating), I announced that I had to get going, thanks for a lovely evening, etc. The hostess then panicked and started urging me to stay, because they had 'a fridge full of salads', meat ready to go on the grill, etc. In the end, I had to tell her I was really not hungry any more.

I don't really mind either way, as long as the company and food are good. I would not, however, want to invite someone who bitches about my hosting in public.

In my culture it's a buffet style type dinner. But usually if you come early you don't dig in right away. Usually we wait until the main people are supposed to get there. The stragglers can help themselves as soon as they take their coats off. I think it works out well.

if its during the week then i usually have about 15-20 minutes before dinner is served. I open the wine and put the finishing touches on dinner. if its the weekend, definitely cocktails first with some munchies before dinner