My aunt catered her own wedding and it was fantastic. She prepared all the food ahead of time, and used all her friends' freezers in the weeks leading up to the wedding to store stuff. She didn't do any serving during the event. She hired waiters for that. The wedding was held at the home of a friend of hers, so that friend helped with the preparation and serving on the day, so my aunt didn't have to do anything except get married. It was awesome and so memorable!

catering your own wedding sounds like a good idea, but i feel you should focus on what is really important that day- your marriage. cater your friend's wedding or your sister's wedding. enjoy your own.

I would say it would be very hard to cater your own wedding AND have time to enjoy the day (i.e. having time with your wedding party, taking photos etc.) .

I have catered family weddings, the largest affair being 75 people (but 3 separate meals over 2 days, including the wedding reception, all of which had hot components). If you want to do it yourself or with family helping, I'd say the most practical approach would be a picnic-style wedding reception, with lots of food that can be made ahead, and isn't too sensitive about sitting out. Even doing salads, there will be certain things that need to be prepped and/or mixed last minute, so the more hands, the easier! BBQ is another great option, if you have help and a couple of BBQs

I was part of a bridal party many years ago when the bride and groom catered their own party. It proved to be difficult - no matter how well organized you are, there are always some little things that need your attention. We were all cooking and getting the food ready the night before the wedding (after the rehearsal dinner) when we should have been celebrating and relaxing for the big day. It turned out just fine, but you will have a lot on your mind, and if you can, I suggest as Janice does, that you recruit as many people as possible to sweat the small stuff on your big day (and the night before).

My sister doesn't particularly want to hire a caterer either for her wedding next year, so she's thinking of doing a community type wedding. Since her and her fiance don't want any gifts, they're asking everyone to bring some food to share.

Definitely hire workers or enlist volunteers who love you very very much to take care of serving/replenishing food and cleanup. I cooked every bit of the food served at our wedding, but somehow it didn't occur to me that I'd be a mite busy the day of the event. We put in a crazy couple of days (and nights) getting everything ready and set up for our guests. I had wonderful family members and friends who helped, but everybody would have had a more relaxed, more enjoyable day if we'd turned that part of the job over to professionals.

One word. DON'T

Like you, it was important to me to do my own food at my wedding. As a compromise, I found a woman who did half of the menu for me. Then, I did my signature dishes. And we did it in March! Our guest list was around 80.

Two questions:

1. Have you previously catered an event that size?
2. Have you previously gotten married?

If the answer to either of those questions is "No," I'd suggest that you are in over your head.

My parents and grandparents catered my wedding. I was still in college living in a very small apartment with a tiny kitchen at the time, so they did all the work for me. We probably had 50-75 guests and bridal party to serve. We set the food up buffet style and I think everyone served themselves. My Aunt, Uncle, Grandma and cousins made sure the food was always full.
Everything thing they made was cooked ahead of time and frozen. The food had to be transported across the state so there really was no place to prepare the food at the reception site. Everything was reheated in large electric roasters during the wedding.
We served hot turkey sandwiches (the buns we pre-ordered from the local bakery), my Grandma's amazing mashed potatoes, and green bean casserole. It was simple but everything tasted so good since my family made my favorite recipes.
After the wedding I quickly helped set things up while waiting for the guests to arrive at the reception. It was a small affair so it worked for my husband and me, and we have no regrets about the way we did it.

Best wishes!

Yes, don't.

Cater your first anniversary party instead.

There are various possibilities available to you on how to "cater" your own wedding:
1. hire a caterer who will make your recipes and provide servers;
2. hire a caterer who will do half of the food, while you cook the other half, but will provide servers;
3. cook all of the food yourself and hire your own servers; or
4. cook all of the food yourself with no servers (I do not recommend at all).

As you determine what is most important to you (that you have made the food yourself, that friends and family get to experience food that you have enjoyed with them, cost, or the ability to enjoy your wedding day), you'll be able to determine which of the four options suits you and your situation best. Personally, I would choose either option 1 or 2 because often a good caterer will help you determine which recipes are workable at the particular venue or event. You can also do a variant of #2 by hiring someone to do bbq or have one of those mobile pizza ovens.

All I can say is I once threw a 300 person anniversary party for my parents where I did all of the decorating and clean-up and NONE of the catering and barely had time to eat, sit-down, or enjoy myself.

I had a an April wedding with around 100 people. The wedding was at 11 am so we served lunch afterward. Along with 4 other friends/family, I made all of the food, which was actually a really fun and relaxing way to spend the days before the big day. On the day of the wedding, we hired 2 students from the local culinary school to oversee heating the few items that needed heating and to replenish the dishes that were out. We focused on salads, relatively simple pasta dishes (baked ziti, pasta with feta & kale) and lots of baguette sandwiches of all sorts (hummus & veggie, chicken salad, cold cuts, baked tofu banh-mi style). This stuff was pretty easy to prepare mostly or fully in the couple of days leading up to the wedding and then only had final touches the night before/morning of. I had a number of people tell me it was the best wedding food they'd ever had, before they found out we did it ourselves. I think the key was that we kept it fairly casual.

Make pickles, make jam, pass them out as favors. Make cakes, even. But don't be the caterer on the day of.

I just got married in May, and catered it myself. Two important points: 1. There were maybe 50-60 people to feed, total. 2. We had rented a big house in the mountains, and both families joined us for the entire week to hang out but also to help in the prep. We weren't trying to cook the food and then take it somewhere else. I cook, too, and I couldn't afford to/stand the thought of someone else doing the cooking. We prepped ahead of time as much as possible, and the final two days were a blur, but with everyone helping (EVERYONE, at least 8-10 people busy in the kitchen at all times) we got it done.

Rehearsal night dinner, for 50: chicken and andouille sausage gumbo, seafood gumbo, green salad, garlic bread. Wedding dinner, for 60: barbecue, potato salad, baked beans, cole slaw, green salad. Desserts for both: assorted pre-made cookies, brownies, fudge, etc. (no wedding cake). We bought 100 pounds of Boston butt and slow-roasted each roast (there were 5 or 6 of them) for 12 hours overnight, each night, freeing up the oven for daytime use. That way the barbecue was done ahead of time and just needed to be shredded/rewarmed on the day of. Making all the gumbo got a little crazy with only one stovetop, but it was delicious, all the same.

the idea of having your guest's take-home memento of the wedding be some your honeccoked fare is fantastic!

We prepped the light food we served ourselves, with help from family and friends, and then some extended family friends did the serving for us... Looking back, even just a year ago, the ENTIRE day is a blur and I hardly remember anything from it! If I'd had to do more work on the food than that, I think I would have regretted focusing on that. I love to cook, love to host dinners, etc... still, it was more important to me on that day to just focus on getting married and having a good time!

Check with your venue about bringing your own food if you are renting a place. My cousin wanted my mom to make her wedding cake but the venue said all food must come from a licensed commercial kitchen. She ended up spending way too much on an ugly cake that tasted like lemon Pledge.

Congrats, and good luck!

I was married about a year ago, and I have to admit that I am very glad it was catered. Cake and all. I just wanted to enjoy my husband, family, and friends.

However, if you really want to do it yourself, I would suggest a trial run. Cook for your shower, if you're having one. See how much time it takes to feed as many people as you have, and then use that to estimate feeding 100.

As far as food is concerned, I think a Mediterranean theme might be nice. Hummus, olives, tabbouleh, pita bread, grilled or roasted meat, and phyllo pastries are all nice at room temperature, and can all be prepared in advance.

Compromise--a good lesson for marriage, too.

Why don't you just bake the cake? or one special dish that is meaningful?

Cater the rest. As much as you love to cook, I would NOT cater my own wedding. There are too many other things to think about--the ceremony, meeting and greeting all your guests, pictures, dancing, toasts, celebrating.

You are certainly expected to play a role in determining the menu. Some caterers will even be amenable to your own recipes.

Good luck, and congratulations!

My husband and I were married in September and we had a pig roast - his family is from TX. It was fun - everyone chipped in - but it was exhausting. Do not underestimate how much work this can be.

Hi there! This is Leann --

First of all, thank you so much for providing such quick feedback. I have to admit that I was pretty certain I'd get the 'don't do it yourself' reaction (I think maybe I was hoping for it, to be honest).

My next question is this -- if any of you are in the Indianapolis area do you know of a caterer that will allow you to set the menu for your event? So far the few I've talked to have been the kind where you just choose from their 3 chicken options, 2 starch options, etc... I definetly DO NOT want that. I want our personalities in the food for the day.

To the folks who mentioned it, we have been lucky enough to find a venue that will allow us to use our own caterer. They're even allowing us to provide our own alcohol for the event, which is a big coup!

Thanks again for taking the time to provide feedback.

@Leann don't forget to check non-catering companies: Whole Foods does some catering, as do some restaurants. If there is a good organic-type restaurant that you like, ask them if they cater, or if they know of someone else like them who does!

Good luck -- keep us in the loop! We'd all love to hear how it goes!

I'm also planning to self-cater my wedding next month. I tried to hire a caterer to cook my recipes and help with prep and service and cleaning, but in the end it didn't work out. I think it's hard to find a caterer who's truly willing to work to fulfill your vision, and not their own, and if your vision about food is important to you, best to take ownership of it and let other, less important things go. I was willing to compromise on the dress, photos, location, flowers, guests, music -- pretty much everything else -- but the food is super important to me and I wasn't willing to compromise on it.

Having said that, we're not fully catering our own wedding. We're ordering a lot of food from our favorite restaurant. We found this was definitely cheaper than having the same dishes made for us, and often cheaper than making them ourselves. Some will be heated up on-site using a grill, but all our sides can be served room temperature. We're serving family style, so it's not as much work to get the food out to the tables and it can be done in a bigger window of time.

For the actual day of, we're hiring the younger sisters of a friend to help dish the sides into family style bowls, put them on the tables, set up appetizers, make lemonade, and then clear the tables and help clean up. We're hiring one woman with catering experience to run the grill and to do general food coordination, delegating to the girls and overseeing everything.

I definitely have heard a ton of warnings about doing food myself, similar to the comments you're receiving here, but I feel really excited and optimistic. I'm happy to be saving thousands of dollars, I'm happy to know that the most important part of the event to me is in my own hands, and I'm genuinely excited to think about prepping food with my best girlfriends a few days before the wedding. I love to cook and find it much more relaxing to think of doing that than to think of hair appointments and pedicures and last minute meetings. I would only say to think carefully about whether there's anything else in the day of the wedding that you can't compromise on: are you willing to not get your hair done, or to only have a few minutes to get dressed, to not spend hours on wedding photos? I realize that the food will take a ton of time -- more than I can imagine now -- and logistical planning (storing and refrigerating that much food will be tricky, but refrigerators can be rented or borrowed), but if it's important to you and you'll have fun doing it, more power to you!

To find non-traditional caterers who may be more willing to adapt, there are a couple options.

If you are looking for a particular style of food, say you're from Louisiana and really want Cajun food, contact restaurants with that style and see if they can adapt and use some of your recipes/ some of theirs.

Try Craigslist under services. Post what you are looking for, look for personal chefs, etc.

You may have to contact lots of people but hopefully you can find what you are looking for!

As a bride also planning a wedding, my advice is to not cater your own wedding. You have a LOT of stuff to focus on regarding your upcoming wedding, and with this, you're really just adding a HUGE task on top of everything else.

To renerodgers:

Please ask your sister to rethink her potluck reception. It's poor wedding etiquette.

To RLB:

Who cares about wedding etiquette anymore? It's their big day and they should be able to do what they want.

I was part of the bridal party for an almost entirely DIY wedding 2 weeks ago. My advice to you, DON'T!

We did everything ourselves, except for the food. For DIYing on a big event like a wedding, you will need a lot of help from friends and family, regardless of how organize you are. While most of your friends will likely glad to help (I still don't regret putting in so much effort for my best friend's wedding), you as the host probably would want your friends and family to enjoy your day as well, not to mention YOU.

My friend's wedding is about 140 people. We tried to do as much as we can before the actual day, but there were still many many things that needed to be setup the day off. Most of the bride's and groom's friends and family helped out to pull that off. Everyone was running around manically before the wedding instead of relaxing and taking in the beautiful scenery around. I can't imagine what it would be like if we needed to cook onsite as well.

With her 140 people wedding, the bride still didn't have time to catch up with all of her friends. She would have had even less time for her guests if she were to prepare all the food.

This is coming from the opinion of someone who helped out at her friend's wedding. For my own wedding, I would not have ask so much from my friends and family. I would have hire outside help so that my friends and family can enjoy my wedding as well.

We had about 100 guests and served them family-made appetizers while we were getting photographs taken after the ceremony. Chocolate covered strawberries, prosciutto/basil/sundried tomato bundles, various crostini, etc. That gave us a chance to have our own spin on some of the food without too much work, then we all headed over to the reception for a catered meal. Good luck with whatever you decide!

P.S. Hurrah to amandabryce!

I considered it. We DIYed the entire wedding, even the photographer was my Sister-in-law. I was quite pleased with how it all turned out, but I couldn't have managed the food too. It would have been a nightmare just trying to set the tables without the catering staff...and I had a wedding coordinator and her two assistants to boot with a guest list of only 75 including the bridal party! Try setting up a buffet service just like the one you'd like to serve at someone else's house for 10 people and time it. Then multiply that time by twelve and see if there are even enough hours in the day to accomplish this before you move further along with your plans. I'm all for DIY, but you need to have a little time to enjoy your day, too.

Also, depending on where you have it, if there's alcohol...it must be manned. Meaning a person must stand by it 100% of the time to prevent underage drinking. My caterers did this too...and cut the cake, rinsed and repacked the dishes, brought my mom her coffee with the right type of creamer, as well as passing appetizers during photos and serving the main buffet line. Absolutely worth every stinking penny I paid.

I've been a part of a complete food-DIY wedding for 60 (which took 8 volunteers 3 days of non-stop work to complete and had a simple meal of soup, salad and lasagna) and a partial food-DIY (they dropped off trays of Indian food..and ran out 3/4 of the way through the crowd so some people just ate rice!). Even with a staff of 6 in the kitchen for that one, it was crazy.

It's one very memorable day of your life. If you can swing it, hire a caterer. Worth every penny for the lack of worry. And if you're in the Bay Area, call Herbs and Spices in Alameda. They literally MADE my wedding day...even though I never told them it was for my wedding! *wink*

Cooking is really important to me, and with the help of a few dear friends and my parents, I am catering my own wedding. There will be about 50 people total. We're doing a very casual, buffet-style meal: Roasted chickens, country ham, biscuits, some vegetable salads. It's going to be hard work, but it's going to be great, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Besides, I'm getting married in Embarrass, MN. Not really any caterers to speak of up there...

Nearly 20 years ago my husband, who is a professional chef and I planned our August wedding to take place at our newly purchased home. At the time I had baked and decorated many of my friend wedding cakes. We thought we had planned everything. We both took the week before the wedding off to plan the last minute details of our simple menu - cold sliced roasted meats and vegetables, fruit salad. A tent and furniture were rented and setup, servers were hired. I woke the morning of the wedding to discover that a good portion of the frosting on my beautiful cake had melted and could no longer be decorated by traditional means - I sent my sister off to buy fresh flowers to tuck between the layers and hide the melted frosting - I ended up pleased with the result. However, the servers chose to take their own tour of our home. They locked our two cats into our un-airconditioned attic where there was no water and the temperature exceed 95 degrees. We successfully feed everyone and we both felt that the reception itself was wonderful. However at the end, the servers left before clearing and storing the leftovers and the people we had hired to take down the tables and chairs did not show (college students who felt they'd rather swim than earn money that day). That left my new husband and I doing all of the clean-up in my yard that day. We were both so exhausted from the work leading up to the wedding and the work on the wedding day that we wasted three days of our honeymoon, which was to take place in Door County, Wisconsin, recovering at home.

In retrospect, we do have wonderful memories from the wedding, but we wouldn't do it the same way if we were to do it again. We both agree we'd get married in front of immediate family and very close friends at the courthouse and then have a small snacks and cake reception, perhaps in a restaurant.

If I had it to do again, I'd want to be able to spend time with my Mom getting ready. I'd want to be well rested and relaxed. I want to be not exhausted so that I could enjoy the beginning of my honeymoon in the plae where we planned to be.

Focus on the marriage. Do what you must about the event.

Sincere Best Wishes,

During the winter of 2008, I helped cater a DIY wedding. It was fantastic!

The bride and her mother sat down with me and we designed the menu. We then considered how long things would take to prepare, how long they could be held in the refrigerator, and what the prep time would be.

We laid out an easy going schedule: shopping on Sunday, prepping food on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, tidying up on Friday, then getting ready for the wedding on Saturday.

I skipped the ceremony to cook the food and get everything set up. I did end up running about 20 minutes behind, but the guests who weren't part of the wedding party pictures were more than willing to help.

In all we served over 100 people without a problem. I didn't have to clean up, got paid to skip the ceremony, and helped a good friend celebrate her special day!

It really helps if you have someone who knows what they're doing. I run a restaurant and am in charge of the catering side. We made sure we had plenty of time in case things went wrong, which they didn't, and everything came up roses.

Happy day to you and good luck!

I would make it a champagne and cake style early-to-late afternoon reception with a little bit of fingerfood that you can prepare in advance. Otherwise, see if you can get an army of friends (or your mother's friends) to help.

Let me just say that I have never commented on any posts before, but had to on this one. Don't cater your own wedding. You're only going to have one wedding. You can have all the parties you want in your married life, but just enjoy this one day. It's a whirlwind even if you don't do any of it yourself. Focus on enjoying the day with your family and friends because that is what it's all about. If you feel you must, just plan it so that you don't have to do any of it the day of the wedding itself. No matter how much you plan, it's always going to be more work than you think it is. Much, much more.

Don't do it. Seriously. I cater weddings large and small, and the biggest mistake I ever made was catering my brother's wedding AND serving as the maid of honor - I was not even the bride. Unless you have an army of people ready - and CAPABLE to plate and final-prep food between ceremony and reception, and you don't care about photos - go right ahead, but it's not worth the trouble - just being totally honest here.

dont do it

Do.

We did, and three years later we still have people talking about how great the food was. (while all the catered weddings of friends around that time were dreadful - one even ran out of food - we had to go to KFC for dinner. Caterer didn't seem to care.)

Sure you can't easily do the silver-service sit-down meal - but who wants all that frippery getting in the way of a great day (and great food) with family, friends and beloved anyway?

My best friend just catered her own wedding with a guest list of about 50. The menu was very simple, and nearly everything was prepared ahead of time so that the day of was mostly warming things up, but the biggest mistake was not to hire at least one or two people to help. The mother of the bride and the bridesmaids were running in and out of the kitchen for several hours and couldn't relax until everyone was full. Just hiring a server and someone in the kitchen to keep food flowing would have made everything a dream. The worst part is that several beautiful little details were forgotten in the hustle that would have really added to the charm. Also, we luckily had two kitchens to work in, without which I think it might have been impossible. One last point - we spent a huge amount of time in the few days before shopping for food. That was tough when there were so many things to do.

RLB-
A "pot-luck" wedding is probably a misnomer. They're most likely less formal---perhaps outdoor or backyard weddings---and the closest friends and family co-ordinate and prepare favorite recipes, NOT the bride or groom's boss from work. (YIKES)

Ideally, there are hired helpers for tending bar, set-up, and clean-up. The food and presentation at these celebrations can be amazing!

Good wedding etiquette is whatever makes the the couple and their guests feel comfortable and welcome.

My husband's parents are professional cooks -- they own a restaurant. They catered the food for my SIL's wedding. Absolute nightmare. They spent all week gathering ingredients, prepping, doing what they could ahead of time. The day of, we woke up at the crack of dawn and ran around like crazy until the photographer dragged us over for pictures. During the wedding, we were so busy trying to keep the buffet replenished & tidy, that we literally did nothing else. And then after the guests left, we spent HOURS cleaning everything up. Miserable, miserable experience. It was such a shame that the bride's family didn't get to enjoy her wedding with her.

For our wedding, they insisted on providing some food. We had them prepare a few batches of our favorites, which our caterer was happy to tray-up and pass during the cocktail hour.

At most weddings I've been to, the caterer's team does ALOT more than just prepare food; they set up the dining area; supply all the plates, utensils, glasses, etc., as well as the serving trays, equipment, etc.; and break down and clean up the dining area. For any kind of formal or large-scale event, I really think it's worth the money (and peace of mind) to have a professional do this. Or at least someone who doesn't have other priorities that day.

I'm also planning my wedding for this fall, also for about 110 guests. Ultimately we decided that it would be too difficult to cater our own wedding with everything else going on that day, but we thought of some other ways to work our love of food and drink into the reception.

Have you considered making some sort of homemade edible party favors guests could take with them? For instance - jams, pickles, etc. could be done weeks or months in advance. We're also brewing our own saison-style beer to serve in lieu of champagne for the toast - another project that can be done months ahead of time.

Ha! When I called my mom to say that I was engaged, she said "I want you to promise me one thing: that you won't try to cater your own wedding."

But part of me really, really wants to!

Instead, I am doing a potluck. I haven't put someone in charge yet, but my plan goes like this:

1) Delegate! Appoint a leader of the potluck crew

2) Locate a kitchen space that out of towners and in-towners-with-few-kitchen-skills can use to cook together

3) Menu plan with my potluck leader, including dishes that can feed lots of people and that friends with little experience can help with (e.g., potatoes au gratin -- lots of slicing and prep, and then one person can head up the cooking)

4) Help with prep as much as possible -- shopping, planning, menu testing, providing things I can make in advance

5) DO NOT SET FOOT IN KITCHEN ON WEDDING DAY. Not just because I promised my mom, but because I will get sucked in and be there forever and be all grubby and wound up at my wedding.

Ooh! I see that the poster before me is doing a homebrew toast. We are, too! And I'm making liqueur at this very moment for signature cocktails.

If you do cater it yourself, just be really realistic about what you can do. Plan a simple menu (if you google self-catered wedding, you should come up with a nice sandwich bar), and go through it step by step, grossly exaggerating the time required for each dish, to make sure you're not taking on too much.

Check out Young House Love's blog. They did a DYI wedding and she has some good tips and ideas.

amandabryce - FAIL. Good wedding etiquette is still very much relevant and alive. Unless the wedding is as a later poster suggested, a backyard at-home barbecue type of affair, then a pot luck reception is very much in poor taste. And as far as the "it's YOUR pretty princess day" crap goes, NO. Once you invite family and friends, it's less about the bride. They can do whatever they want, but they run the risk of being very rude.

I am damn glad that won't be my wedding. Have some consideration.

@ RLB.

Whatever your case for etiquette, you just lost any credibility as an expert.

Oh god, not "wedding etiquette." Has there ever been a more insidious, nosy, dreadful phrase in the English language? I don't think so.

Wedding Etiquette also insists married women have no names and simply exist as Mrs. MyHusband. Hang wedding etiquette. It's 2010, you can kick all those old busybodies in the rear and do what you like.

A potluck wedding sounds lovely for a smaller party, especially in place of a gift! Considering how much the average guest spends on a gift, asking for food instead is actually quite thoughtful and considerate. If you're a young couple with a large group of young friends with not a lot of money, it's a very good idea indeed. It would only be problematic for a larger gathering from sheer logistics of feeding everyone a good variety, not because it's not "polite."

The only wedding "etiquette" you should ever consider is the exact same sensibility that should inform any party - be thoughtful, make sure everyone can have fun, make it easy to get there and easy to go home, make sure everyone has something nice to eat even with dietary restrictions, try to set up social groups that mix well. Done and done.

I catered my own wedding for 95 people last year... The most important things I learned were:
Make a thorough inventory of what supplies, utensils, baking dishes, etc. are available to you. Afterall, you need a LOT of baking pans, serving dishes, knives, etc. to cater an event like that.

The best idea we had was to do a cold buffet. It was serving hot foods that REALLY would have complicated things.

I wish I would've done the prep two days before instead of the night before... it would've still been fine (in terms of freshness) but took much longer than I had anticipated (15lbs of strawberries to slice and hull is a LOT! lol)

Simple, delicious, seasonal food will win out every time. Fewer, better ingredients both saved time and effort and ended up costing less in the long run.

I also make a "cake buffet" which I made ahead of time and iced the morning of... it might sound crazy, but I kept the decorating simple and rustic and concentrated on making things delicious instead of "perfect".

I have to comment on the wedding etiquette/potluck thing: the economy is bad, people don't have a lot of money, and I think a potluck wedding reception - if done with love - is a wonderful idea. I would not hesitate to bring a dish to a friend's wedding if I thought it would ease financial concerns and contribute to a beautiful day.

No, no, no, no!

Unless:

a) You have no choice.
b) You are a professional cook and are having a small wedding.
c) You are not a professional cook but are having a VERY small wedding.
d) You don't want to see your guests anyway.

Didn't someone ask this a few months ago? A party of 115 is just way too much to do, I don't care how much help you get.

Make favors and print out cute copies of your recipe, or maybe make the hors d'ouevres, but don't try to cater this thing yourself. It's not really a dream, it's a nightmare.

Congrats!

I agree about the economy and that bringing or preparing food for an event should be in lieu of a gift. Besides, these are people close enough to you that they've probably already given a shower gift.

I agree to not do it yourself.

As far as finding someone that will be flexible enough to follow your preferences - look for smaller companies that are more of a 'mom and pop' business. We used a husband and wife caterer for our wedding in Chicago a year ago and it was the best decision! They were so fantastic and flexible and all our friends are still talking about how good the food wa.

Slightly OT, but I'm quite scared of the large numbers here which seem to be considered small weddings :-) 75, 50-60 etc. I would definitely consider catering my own civil partnership, but then I am only planning on inviting somewhere between 3 and 10 other people so I guess that might work out ok.

Good luck to all those with big parties to cater for, I really hope it all works out and everyone has a great time :-)

I haven't read all the comments, but I write for a wedding blog (weddingbee), so I know from experience just how complicated, frustrating, wonderful, exacerbating, and confusing planning a wedding can be.

Leann, if you've gotten any comments here that disappoint you (a la, "you'd be silly to cater your own wedding"), don't feel for a second that you need to listen to them. In the end, YOU will be the one deciding how to create your wedding day.

If that wedding day involves you doing the catering, so be it! If that's how you envision your day of celebration coming together, then GO FOR IT. I can attest that cooking for a wedding is difficult, but it is worth it. I made my wedding cake, and it was everything I had wanted (my only regret is that I had to frantically re-do some meringue buttercream while my husband got to play frisbee).

If you haven't found this source yet for wedding planning, you MUST read her archives:
http://2000dollarwedding.com
Sara Cotner catered her own wedding, and the ENTIRE wedding was less than $2000. She and her husband didn't lose their minds, they didn't empty their pocket books, and they stuck to their values.

It CAN be done! AND you can stay sane at the same time!

Good luck!

I did cater my wedding - BUT it was very informal, smallish (30 or so people), and held at a friends house. Also money was an issue.

We did hire someone to set up and serve (buffet-style) so I had zero food-related responsibilities on the day of, and clean up. And it really went quite well. But for a larger or more formal wedding? God, no.

I've also been to a pot-luck wedding reception and it was surprisingly nice. Again, it was a very informal wedding. The wedding was outside at the bride's father's home and the reception was at the groom's parent's home a few miles out of town. There were around 75 or so people, the food was great, and I really had a good time!

So take that, wedding etiquette lady! I'm happier at a simple wedding that expresses the tastes and values of the couple rather than one that adheres to the rules of what a "proper wedding" should be like.

theeater: "You're only going to have one wedding." ??

lol...you're so cute!! But how I wish you were right. I've been to more than a few 2nd or 3rd "dream weddings" of 40-something brides.

I catered my own wedding with 85 guests, 16 years ago and people are still talking about it BUT the only way to be successful and not stressed is to PLAN, ENLIST HELP, AND HIRE PEOPLE TO DO THE WORK ON WEDDING DAY! I'd catered alot before this and still spent a lot of time planning. Everything needs to be done in advance, last minute prep left to the hired help and make copious notes on each dish - what serving pieces to use, what garnishes are appropriate, where it goes on the buffet etc. If it's what you want to do go for it but make sure that your prep work is under control. If you're a control freak forget about it - during the ceremony you need to focus on your spouse and not what the help is doing.

I'm a little late to this thread, but I'm glad I saw it! I actually just catered my own wedding about 4 weeks ago, and it was the best decision I could have possibly made. We had about 100 guests (including the wedding party--and about 20 kids, to be fair); the best advice I can give you is (a) make things that you can freeze, and cook the day of (pesto palmiers, dumplings, anything in puff pastry shells, meatballs, shrimp cocktail, etc), (b) hire somebody to cook the food the day of (that's what I did--I have no idea how I would have done it otherwise), and (c) ask people for help. I'll say it again: ask people for help. You may feel skeptical--I did--but trust me: your friends and family <I>want</I> to help, they're just waiting for you to ask them to. Think back to the amazing appetizer your future sister in law has served at dinners before, or the veggie dip your mom always makes, or the great chicken dish your old roommate made the last time you had dinner at her place--and ask them if they'd mind making it for your wedding. Trust me--people will start to come out of the woodwork once you start asking around and will volunteer their services.

Hearty hors d' oreuvers are my best advice for what to cook. My wedding was at the beginning of June, so, slightly different weather, but all of the food was cooked inside and brought outside, so I think it would work for your wedding, too.

I'd love to talk to you about this if you have any questions or anything--my email is watchthesky84@gmail.com please get in touch if you want to talk at all!

I'm very late to this thread, but hey, if I found it two years later, others might be looking for the same information! All great advice for self-catering a wedding, and I'll just chime in with the idea of preparing as much beforehand as possible, and then having a restaurant or caterer provide the main entree (or the one that is the most labor-intensive), and time it to arrive ready-to-serve at the reception. Do the planning yourself, then delegate the day-of managing to someone else so you can enjoy the day.