You can do everything right - great food, great music, great ambiance. But what if your guests just...don't talk to each other? Crickets. Uncomfortable pauses. Wind whistling in the eaves. Any tips for creating good dinner table conversation?
Our biggest piece of advice is not to force it. Unless all your guests already know each other, there's always going to be that odd stretch of time at the beginning of an evening when everyone is standing in awkward clumps with whoever they came with, sipping their cocktails nervously. We'll introduce people to each other, particularly if we know they have something in common, but we've often find that people gradually start mingling on their own if we let it play out naturally.
Having cocktails and appetizers before sitting down to eat definitely helps. Cocktails help people relax and appetizer stations give them somewhere to congregate - and something to talk about. Great conversations can start over a really good bruschetta!
We also try to think about the balance of characters when inviting people to a party. We have certain friends who we can depend on to be outgoing and draw wall flowers into a conversation. Other friends bring a sense of humor or an intellectual edge. We think about people who have similar interests or who we've been wanting to introduce to each other.
We also go by the philosophy that if we like all our friends then all our friends will probably like each other! And then we're back to simply trusting that the conversation will work itself out eventually.
What is your strategy for ensuring good conversation?
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If you don't mind a little planned unpreparedness, giving people tasks in the kitchen is a great way to get people talking. Think of having all the ingredients for the salad ready, but saving the final chopping and mixing for your guests.
The art of conversation and/or being a fun dinner guest needs to be revived in my opinion. If I'm being invited to a party, I go expecting to be social. It seems like some guests almost expect to be entertained. If I'm a guest and there's a lull in the convo, there are ways to get people talking. Ask about 1) their job, 2) their sig. other, 3) their babies/pets/hobbies, 3) recent travel, 4) weddings - summer is the season, did they go to X's? Are they getting/recently gotten married? 5) recent or upcoming local events - have they heard about it, are they going, etc. 6) world events.
I agree with allytally about giving people tasks. I might ask someone to help man the grill or ask if they wouldn't mind mixing up some drinks.
Booze.
For larger parties, I usually make introductions if I notice people who seem to be having trouble mingling. But instead of just throwing two people together with "Tim, this is my friend Larry," I try to feed them a conversation starter, like "Tim, I've been meaning to introduce you to Larry because I know you've been thinking about going to Thailand and he just took an amazing sounding vacation to SE Asia..." or other relevant connection point. And then I can slink back to other hostessing duties.
For small dinner parties, I usually have 1-2 "current events" on tap in case discussion needs a revival. The more outrageous/scandalous/debatable, the better!
I take the very traditional point of view -- the responsibilities of hospitality work both ways: The guests have a responsibility to RSVP, show up when stated, and be good company. Any guest who doesn't fulfill the guest side of the bargain doesn't get invited back.
I've never had my guests just sit like bumps on a log waiting for me to introduce topics of conversation. Of course my friends and family run the gamut from shrinking violet to raconteur. But regardless of their natural inclinations, they behave like civilized, polite people in my house -- and that means keeping the conversational ball in the air.
If I'm going to be dining with someone(s) I don't know real well I mentally prepare a short list of things I can ask them about, i.e their job, recent or upcoming vacation, etc. If nothing else you can always mention a movie or tv show you just saw and that usually leads to conversation of what they've seen...generally people like to talk about themselves so asking questions is good.
My mother used to say "If you can't think of anything to say, comment on the weather." I have used that advice as a last ditch effort. If after all your best attempts, they're still clamming up then they're probably social lemons.
I have a couple good friends who -- God love 'em -- think the solution to an awkward pause is to tell long, rambling stories about themselves.
Since they've permanently confused being conversant with delivering a monologue, I let them tell part of the story before clinging to a tangent.
If she's (once again) telling the many tales of her sister's severe allergies, I ask someone else about the bad allergies they were having last week. Did it stop you from playing softball on Saturday? Oh great, did you guys win? The rest of you are on the team, too, right?
my favorite question is what books the person next to me is reading, or recent good reads. 90% of the time it leads to great conversation, for the other 10% conversation was likely pointless anyhow!
"Booze"
If this wasn't your first thought upon reading the headline, then I'm sorry, but I don't want to come to your dinner party.
The best way to have a good conversation is to be a good listener.
And consider yourself an "interviewer." People love to talk about themselves (I don't mean that in a bad way). Aks a question, listen to their answer, and figure out a follow up question based on whatever they say. Act like a human Wiki-pedia... click on any "link" in their conversation that you think will yield something knew.
And actively draw others into the conversation.
But yeah, booze.
I like simple dinner party games..ice breakers. One successful game that I tried was when I invited everyone I told them to bring a paper with 3 written random statements - 2 false statements about themselves and 1 true statement (Example: I was NOT born in a hospital, When I was a teenager, I met Olivia Newton John backstage, I once accidentally burned my tent to the ground on a camping trip) When there's a conversation lull at the table and at random times throughout the evening, I pulled out the hat and picked a name. I would tell everyone the guest name but everyone had to guess which statement was true.... it made for great conversation and this way each guest has an opportunity to tell a funny little story about themselves.