NO! I've been to/hosted more dinner parties in the last year than I ever remember my parents going to - they are perfect for the parents of babies and young couples to socialize, you put the baby down in the next room, turn on the baby monitor and get to cooking.
Its delightful and fun - and forunately lots of my friends are great cooks, so we eat well too. Its much easier than going out.

We also host and attend several dinner parties a year. Of course they are mostly super casual - sometimes a cookout, sometimes a potluck, sometimes one person cooking gourmet pizzas for the group. Always a nice and fun table setting.

I do agree that time is an issue. Unlike the parents in the Gourmet article, we often do not have time for making bisques and reductions and cheesecakes. That's not to say that we don't have some d@mn good food!

I find Ms Lange's statement completely confusing and a little odd. Perhaps the term she should have used was *formal* dinner party? Because dinner parties are my main form of socializing and I go to several a month. We don't always have multiple courses and linen napkins (although some times we do) but if the main activity involves people sitting and talking and eating around a table covered with platters of food, isn't that basically a dinner party?

I think it partly depends on where one lives. Being residents of a small college town, dinner parties (with or without children) seem to be par for the course given that there are few options (especially student-free zones) for socializing.

I don't anymore. I've had friends over for dinner quite a few times, invested time and dollars into it and while my friends appreciated the free food/no cooking night, most of the time they're eager to get back home pretty much right after dinner and *never* invited me/us over for dinner. Call me bitter but next time they *ask* me to invite them over (and I am *not* joking), I'm telling them to pay for my time and food.

Definitely not dead; I just held a dinner party on Sunday! I've got an apartment that is perfect for entertaining and I definitely take advantage of that. They taking planning, as well as time, but it's so worth it!

I just had a dinner party last weekend with two other couples. Yes, china, silver, great food and lots of wine. It was great fun, worth every second of planning and cooking.

I like both dinner parties and casual gatherings of people helping themselves. It really boils down to the time, place, and reason. I wish more of my friends would host dinner parties.

Not at all! I've declared 2011 the year of the dinner party and have had two already. :)

We have guests over, but 'dinner party' sounds overly formal nowadays. It's often at short notice, and very casual, but we still always have good food and wine.

no way! The problem is finding people who can reciprocate. But it's still fun to host a dinner party for people and spend a day cooking.

Yeah, I don't know, I have dinner parties all the time too, as do a lot of people I know, though I wouldn't consider them "formal" ("ironed linens" is not much of a priority generally).
That article sounds like Slate's "NY Times fake trends" series: just because a couple of people the writer knows are doing/not doing something does not make it a trend!

Although I love the idea of dinner parties, and I've got the china, silverware, and stemware to throw one, none of my friends are all that formal.

My boyfriend and I both work as well, so keeping the house spotless is harder than if one of us had the role of stay-at-home-whatever.

The other issue is that formal dinner parties tend to demand pairs of people. And we just don't have that many couple friends. Oh, and our dining room table is crappy and we don't have enough chairs. Lol...

As for the non-reciprocating thing? Maybe the people you invite over think they're house is to crappy or their cooking skills not good enough or their faded Corell dinnerware to good enough to impress you with your fancy linens and china.

We prefer to just have people over and lay out a buffet. I do prefer to use real dishes and silverware regardless, but I think the days of a multi-course formal dinner are over for most people, except for a select few.

i too got fed up with people not reciprocating, and so i simply stopped inviting the free loaders, or only invite them to informal gatherings and tell them what to bring, specifically.

as for dinner parties, is it still considered a party if it's just 2 couples? because if it is, then we've been having lot of them. found a great couple who loves, good food, good wine and good conversation and it's become an almost monthly event.

i agree with elaura, sounds like a non-trend to me.

cloth napkins, good china (well, my everyday china is good china so that's what it is), crystal wine goblets and away we go!

I haven't had formal dinner parties, but I've had lots of potlucks. Sometimes organized ahead of time where we all have a specific dish to make, and sometimes just random food shows up. Potlucks are great because you only make one dish (low cost) get to eat lots of different things (yummy) and dishes are limited to the plates and silverware your guests use - so you don't have all of the pots and pans and mixing bowls requires to make several dishes sitting in your sink. I would only do a dinner party on my own for a small crowd, 6 people max due to cost and mess.

None of my friends do this. Ever. There's the rare end of softball season backyard cookout, and a couple friends occasionally order carry out and watch TV with me, buuut those don't count.

But I always think dinner parties would be fun! Particularly because I have a few friends who are in serious relationships and I feel bad that I haven't gotten to know their significant other very well. For some reason it strikes me as easier to get to know someone in your own home than out to dinner at a restaurant together. Maybe it is that very act of welcoming them into your home? It's instantly more intimate.

I house a dinner party one to two times a month! It better not being dying because I love it!

I used to have them a lot, and that's when I was broke and lived in an even smaller place. (I have never owned china, but that didn't stop me.) However, I married a fairly anti-social man, and that put the kibosh on it. We've had my family over--that is it. Drag.

My husband and I enjoy inviting other couple friends to our home for dinner, and many of them have reciprocated. It has definitely been on my mind to start hosting dinner parties with two or three other couples -- partially as a way to better introduce some of our friends who don't know each other well, but who we think would get along very nicely. Plus, we bought our first home last year, and are almost done remodeling the bottom level (with the exception of the kitchen), and are eager to start entertaining in the space.

I will say that I've noticed a "trend" amongst many people in their 20's and 30's of preferring housing that does NOT have a formal dining room -- and if it does, they use the space for something else. When we were house hunting, a formal dining room was a must for us. I actually dislike eat-in-kitchens. So, perhaps I'm odd. But, this break away from formal dining rooms is likely related to the decline in popularity for dinner parties.

I don't doubt that many people in their 20's and 30's are not into throwing dinner parties. They can be expensive. Many people don't have the cooking skills or the equipment/place settings. People's living situations may not be conducive to such parties either (we know lots of young couples living with family to save money, or living in very small spaces, like apartments). I know many people in this age range that don't even cook much for themselves/their family (unless it's easy/quick meals). Also many people are pairing up/marrying at an older age, and I really can't see any of my friends that are still single (or at least not in long term, serious, live-in relationships) throwing dinner parties. Many of our other friends who are paired up have infants/small children, and don't have the time or energy (or the clean space!) to host such parties. I imagine that as we get older, that will start to change.

I agree that formal dinner parties seem to be on the outs (although maybe not for upper class households). I always imagine a "Dinner Party" to be in the Gilmore Girls style!

We have people over a lot for casual drinks, snacks and food (yes because of space and money). Some friends reciprocate, others don't. One casual acquaintance had a dinner party and asked for money (despite the fact we've had her over for fondue nights, nice drinks, pizza etc.)! I didn't go.

Perhaps the trick is to just host and attend parties with those who are actually interested in putting the effort in, and who share your philosophy on dinner parties.

Prior to kids we had a lot of double-handled soup cup kinds of dinner parties. It was great. Now that we have kids, we entertain more casually but still entertain.

my girlfriends and i have a monthly dinner club. each girl takes a month, hosts dinner and then we go to the next. eveyone spends money once or twice a year hosting and gets lots of nice free dinners. and it is the one time a month we are guaranteed to be together.

I try to have a group of 10 -20 over at least once a month for a themed sit down meal. I do all the cooking and provide the wine or mixings for old fashioneds. If they want they can bring over a snackie but I usually do all of those too.

It seems to be the only way to get our large group of friends together sometimes due to our busy schedules. I never feel like it is a financial burden - they help me out when I need car help or heavy lifting done.

How bizarre! "Dinner parties" are our main way of socializing. Even more so now that we have kids because we don't need a sitter and our friends can bring their kids. It's a full meal with place settings- usually not too formal (see aforementioned kids) but, sometimes, we do break out the wedding china. Some of our friends recipricate, and some do not (the single ones or the ones who don't cook). But, they come with wine or flowers. We enjoy cooking nice meal for ourselves and our friends, and they always send emails thanking us the next day. Sometimes I even wear lipstick (ok, almost never). Also, we don't really call them dinner parties- just having friends over for dinner. Next time I am having a nice meal with my friends while my kids and their kids are scooting trains along the floor and my dog have her front paws on my leg begging for a bite, I'll have to remember how fancy we are!

No, not at all. I'm in college, so you'd think that my friends and I would favor standing around a keg. But we have dinner parties all the time, and many of us agree that they are becoming our favorite type of gathering.

I still love throwing dinner parties, but tend to host them less and less due to lack of reciprocity (something that I'm pretty sure we've discussed here on thekitchn). It's not that I expect everyone to go all out like I do - I'd just be happy to be invited over!

I've heard all the excuses time and time again - we don't have the space, we don't have the room, the time, etc, etc. And in the end that's all they are - excuses. If you really want to do something, you make it a priority. Or you make do and squeeze 20 people into your basement (like my MIL) because that's the only place you have room for everyone!

It really ends up feeling like a lack of generosity on the part of the non-invitees. We invite people into our home to spend time with them, to share a meal. It saddens me to think I have so few friends who feel the same.

We've had a couple of dinner parties this year and have been composing a list of other couple combinations to have over. Feels good to have a pitcher of cocktails at the ready when friends arrive and to sit around the table over food, wine and conversation. My mother was an Air Force officer's wife who had no choice but to entertain in a way that I thought was a bit formal and over-the-top - so much stress! I just don't think people want to be over-awed - cook what you're good at, keep the glasses topped up and everyone has a good time. I'm 43 in NYC - whatever keeps me home and close to my couch is a winner. Come over to mine!
**As for reciprocation - I have friends in studio apartments or living situations that aren't really conducive to entertaining. It's not about what you get in return - I'd pay certain people to sit at my table and crack me and my guests up - friendship doesn't keep tabs.

People are too judgy. I stopped inviting people over when they kept nitpicking EVERY LITTLE THING.
-Oh, your wood floors are scuffed (want to finish them for me?)
-What's that stack of mail in your kitchen. Don't you sort it? (have at it!)
-You're out of green salsa and I REALLY don't want to eat the red salsa...
-Do you have nicer toilet paper somewhere? (dammit it's charmin! were you expecting silk?)
-When are you going to update your chandelier?
-Did you cook this near fish? Near meat? Was it in the same shopping basket as that chicken? I can't eat this. *pout*
-Is that a TOY? Your kid should really clean up
-Why do you have so much jazz on your ipod?
-Is this DOMESTIC feta? (Trader Joes too "pedestrian" for you?)

ARRRGH! I'd love to have more people over, but it's not worth it...at all.

Casual gatherings and potlucks, yes, but no more formal dinner parties. People don't reciprocate and it gets tiring to always be the one doing the planning, cooking, clean up, and paying. I think the reality is that we have casual friends and by accepting that I let go of resentment and just enjoy the gatherings we do have.

I love throwing dinner parties. Unfortunately, perhaps because of my relatively young age, most of my friends think of them as a foreign concept. A few months ago I had a dinner party for six. Everyone asked what they could bring. I insisted that I would be providing all of the food, (I wanted to prepare a cohesive menu and I'm old fashioned like that), which seemed novel to them. They arrived and seemed genuinely shocked and almost uncomfortable at what I considered a casual dinner. I prepared three courses, but no fancy ingredients, and dessert was actually store-bought. But because we ate at the table with place mats, multiple plates, and I bought flowers, I earned an instant reputation as Martha Stewart.

I think it's fine to have potluck, ultra-casual gatherings. It's great if it helps people get together more. I don't think it should completely replace 'real' dinner parties, though. I personally enjoy the challenge of cooking a full meal for my friends and like the atmosphere of a 'fancier' evening. It's like wearing jeans. Yeah, you can wear them pretty much everywhere now. But isn't it fun to put on a pretty dress now and then?

Thanks for the judgment, happycamper2168.

Wow - QueenOfTheFall - you need some new friends!!
We have & attend dinner parties pretty frequently. I guess they aren't "formal" dinner parties, but they are adults-only and involve eating dinner and drinking wine at an actual table.
Casual dinner parties/potlucks/get-togethers are our main form of socializing. We rarely go out on the town, we're much more comfortable at home.
Looking forward to moving in the next few months - the biggest challenge we have now for dinner parties is that we live 30+ minutes from friends and it's inconvenient. When we're within walking distance...let the good times roll!

I go to potlucks all the time, though those are pretty casual. A few years back I use to have rotating weekly dinner parties with two friends, but that was back when we were undergrads and didn't work very many hours. Now most of my local friends are working full-time or nearly full-time and finishing up grad degrees, so it's very hard to find days when we can meet up, and just as hard to find time to prepare meals. I'm hoping that once we all graduate and are just working that we'll find more time for nice sit-down meals.

So I'd say that the dinner party isn't dead - it's just taking a momentary breather while my circle gets through stuff.

I love dinner parties! And throw several a year. Next weekend we are doing a Morrocan party. I find themes work well. It gives me an excuse to go all out in the kitchen and invite a mix-and-match group of people over. I don't have "good china" but a nice collection of plates. My house is still in mid-renovation and I don't let that stop me. My friends are coming for conviviality, conversation, and culinary flourishes, not my decor nor my dishes.

We do a great deal of more casual get togethers as well. Cook outs, culinary experiments, drinks and desserts, Sunday brunch, or Sunday afternoon apps, lobster bakes in the back yard...different types of parties. I find the idea of "dinner parties are passe" kind of silly.

Love the comments, this is such a diverse topic! I think it depends a lot on your group of friends and the region you live in. My hubby and I entertain a lot but it's usually casually and involves a sporting event on television. However, because of my love for food, I was invited into a supper club with a friend. We take turns hosting once per month, always bringing wine and a hostess gift (something small). The hostess plans the menu and determines how fancy it will be. It's great fun and a great way to unwind with a group of (now) close friends!

Not to be rude, but does Apartment Therapy have copy editors? Many posts have noticeable grammatical errors. For example, the sentence that reads "dinner parties her parents used to through in the 80's" should instead say" dinner parties her parents used to throw in the 80s".

I'd say a key factor is divergent eating habits. There are maybe two omnivores in my friend group. Everyone else is: vegetarian, vegan, lactose intolerant, celiac, atkins, halal, cruelty free, no sugar, no red meat, kosher, allergic to eggs, allergic to nuts, allergic to fish, won't eat fish, won't eat anything sour, won't eat onions, won't eat garlic, won't eat fruit in a savory dish, won't eat anything they know is vegan, etc., etc., etc.

In most cases, I'm sympathetic, and it's not a problem to have one person over for food. But trying to find a series of dishes that everyone's willing to eat? No way. It's safer to go to a restaurant, where everyone can get what they like, or to involve everyone in the cooking so they each know there's at least one dish they can eat.

@ omoriala -- That's a style issue, not a grammar issue. Different publications have different policies on 80s vs. 80's. Back off.

On the subject of reciprocity, i understand how you can feel slighted when invitees never invite you over in return. *However,* i kind of think if you want to throw a nice dinner party, do it. If getting/not getting one in return is a factor...maybe you shouldn't do it in the first place.

Some of my friends are not cooks and would never do more than order pizza. If they don't want to do it, then i don't want them to do it, either. They can bring the wine, or we can go out.

Not judging, just sayin'.

@Romie - I think she meant the spelling of "throw" :)

Interesting topic. When I lived in the suburbs, I definitely hosted and attended more dinner parties and more casual gatherings at home like BBQs and potluck. I had a much bigger place back then and the restaurants nearby were mostly chains. Now that I live in San Francisco, the primary means of socializing among our friends is dinner at a restaurant. Most of us have very small apartments with eat-in kitchens and work crazy hours but a bigger part of it is that there are so many great restaurants at every price point to explore. The few friends in the city that host at home are ones with young kids. I do miss having people over more.

@DanielleM: It's a bit harsh to accuse those who don't reciprocate of lacking generosity. However, I do agree that not having space, poor cooking skills, or a messy house should not be obstacles to hosting. Most people just enjoy sharing food and wine with good friends, and don't care about a bit of mess on view, mismatched china or non-crystal glasses. If your cooking is not up to scratch, you could just cook a main dish (ask your guests to help), then offer some great cheeses and buy in a beautiful dessert. It's all about fun and enjoyment, not impressing others, .

I'm 30, none of my local friends have kids, and we have dinner parties all the time. Sometimes casual, sometimes more formal or themed, sometimes people chip in money, sometimes it's potluck and most times the host cooks something. But I'm pretty fortunate to have a group of friends who love to cook, eat, drink and socialize -- this makes for frequent dinner party gatherings. There are a few people who just can't host anything due to the size of their apartments, but those who can do it pretty often. I had one a few months ago where I served grilled cheese & tomato soup - sounds simple, but I made a giant pot of soup from scratch and had two kinds of gourmet-ish grilled cheese sandwiches (caramelized onion/gruyere and fig/cheddar, both on artisan breads). Guests brought wine and caesar salad. We had a great time - I wholeheartedly suggest unfancy easy-to-prepare food and a few bottles of wine. :)

I used to have them fairly frequently: about once a month, then they became seasonal. I'm long overdue for one.

I hosted a dinner party only this past Saturday -- flowers on the table, good china, roast leg of lamb. Still casual (we invited the parents of our kids favourite school friends over), but still a dinner party.

Dinner parties may be dead in North America (didn't host many there), but here in Geneva, I host them all the time.

By the way, to all the Canadians here, do you know what the official term is for a "potluck" here in French-speaking Europe? A "buffet canadien". (and the implication is that we Canadians are cheap hosts... )

@mschatelaine

Yééééé on passe encore pour une gang de cheapos!
Well, if tourists based their knowledge of canadian food on the 'Canadian' section of the Chinese buffet menu, we look like a bunch of sad people who don't know how to cook anyway. Bah. Thank goodness they have yet to serve poutine there, though. It would be the begining of the end.

I adore the actual sit-down, linens, flowers and wine dinner party. They'll never die in my world. I just had one last Saturday.
Despite not being "of a relatively young age (or wait, it's all relative, right?!?)", I, too, find that it can be hard to convince everyone that they don't need to bring food.
Despite having dinner (and picnic/wood-fired oven) parties constantly, we almost never get reciprocity. It's (mostly) AWESOME when it happens, but I don't really care if the people I invite over ever have me over in return. I have more time to cook and plan than a lot of people, and it's what I love to do. If I can provide a stress free, lovely meal and evening for friends, I'm thrilled to do it.

QueenoftheFall--Holy S**T, seriously? I'm so sorry! Those people are jealous and sad human beings you don't need in your life anyway!

I am the dinner party maven in my large circle of friends. I have a few friends who have people over from time to time, but those are generally pretty casual affairs.

Once a month or so I pull out all the stops - 3-4 courses, china, linens, centerpieces, the whole nine yards. I live alone and it can get pricey but I'm good at cooking for a crowd on a budget, and if I want to do something really special I ask people to chip like I did for osso bucco night and Thanksgiving.

Otherwise I have people over for dinner casually 3-4 times a month. I love cooking for people I love and its a great excuse to bond and socialize without going out. I could get mad that other people in my social circle don't step up, but frankly, people are lazy. And not everyone is as obsessed with the home/hospitality/cooking as I am and I am happy to share.

We don't have a table large enough to host more than one other couple for dinner--but we do that fairly frequently. I think cost and space are the main factors in my social circle. Having a cocktail-esque party with drinks and pot luck appetizers and finger foods it's much easier to coordinate, and we can move the table out of the way and accommodate more people.