In a season so devoted to entertaining and indulging a little more than usual, this may seem to be an odd question. Until you stand back and ask yourself: when was the last time you hosted a traditional sit-down dinner party? Perhaps it's been a while?
Last week, The New York Times wrote about the disappearance of the dinner party. Writer Guy Trebay explored the factors behind it, quoting famous hostesses, entrepreneurs and authors regarding their takes on the slow demise.
Louise Grunwald, one of New York's great hostesses from back in the day is quoted as saying, "You may want the dinner party to come back, harkening back to another era. But it will never happen." Many of the folks interviewed hinted towards the fact that they're from a different time, a time when schedules were a little looser and people were more interested in the pomp and circumstance of the dinner party. More young couples received nice china on their wedding day, and tableware and silverware were carefully collected.
Or maybe these are simply the dinner parties that surround "social prominence, deep pockets, commodious apartments, household staffs," as Trebay astutely points out. Surely there were folks hosting simple dinner parties that didn't involve such a to-do (I know my parents did, without the slightest hint of china or real silver).
So then, maybe there are other issues underlying the demise of the dinner party: perhaps we no longer know how to sustain a real conversation for hours? Or maybe it's just easier to meet friends out for dinner, requiring little to no planning and clean-up. Plus, if you go that route, your friends will never see your shabby mismatched silverware.
I finished this article feeling a bit disheartened only because we actually do host dinner parties in our home. Not as often as we'd like, but once every few months for sure. In fact, we're having friends over tomorrow night for latkes and brisket and I'll likely make some sort of chocolate dessert. I always keep things relatively simple so we're not stressed about it, and think of it as an opportunity to truly catch up with friends into the evening instead of rushing out to meet at a convenient restaurant where, at best, we'll have a few hours together. So in our circles, they're very much still alive. Thank goodness. It's my favorite excuse to try out a new recipe, and to push myself out of a cooking rut.
How about you? Do you host dinner parties at home or find it more hassle than it's worth? What does a "dinner party" mean to you?
→ Read the Article: Guess Who Isn't Coming to Dinner?
Related: How Often Do You Host Dinner Parties?
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I think dinner parties are still very much alive. We just hosted a gathering of about 20 friends last month and next weekend we will host about 15 friends. Our large dinner parties aren't the traditional sit down style. We usually do a semi potluck. I will prepare the main meal while our friends will chip in with sides, desserts, and/or drinks since they always ask to bring something.
A few weeks ago we hosted friends over for the more traditional sit down dinner party where I prepared everything from the starter to the dessert. This to me didn't seem like a dinner party since it was just one couple. I would consider a dinner party to be more than one couple. It doesn't matter what the gathering is called. We always enjoy great food, wine, and conversation.
I have nobody in my entire circle of friends and acquaintances that does dinner parties. Not a single one. We all live in tight city spaces, where room is at a premium, so dining space, and rare kitchen dish storage would be a problem. If my friends come over, and I cook, we eat on the couch, like we were college aged kids.
Also, it's a huge amount of effort. When I go to see someone, I'd rather see them, and talk to them. If they are putting on a big dinner party, they are working, not socializing. We often go out to restaurants. We can have a great meal, and still focus on each other.
I wish I could say my dinner parties were still alive. I invested time, energy, and money into making people feel welcome in my home and everybody seemed to appreciate the food and gesture. But I never got invited to any dinner parties myself and everybody wanted to go out to eat. It felt a bit strange and lonely to be the only one hosting so I gave up.
That shouldn't discourage you from continuing to host your dinner parties! If you enjoy it, you should continue to host them. Not everyone is capable of handling that kind of commitment.
I do host dinner parties but somewhat less often than I used to. Much more common for me to have a buffet style meal, which between work and personal life I probably host six a year. Dinner parties tend to be around some other event, such as friends in from out of town or a celebratory occasion.
Happily we've stuck to our new years 2012 resolution. At least two dinners per month, involving a minimum of 6 people. I not only manage my kitchen better, but I've expanded my repertoire and I think strengthened friendships.
Maybe I am misunderstanding what constitutes a "dinner party," but I thought dinner parties are on the rise... arent all the cool kids having them? Seriously, though, we probably have one dinner party a month and go to 2-3 more. Popular culture has led me to believe that this is quite common for most people?
I'm hosting a dinner party next week.
I think the type of party you have depends on the type of company. If your guests are all people who appreciate good food, liquor, and conversation, then a dinner party is awesome. But if you don't cook, or your friends don't care about food, then a more casual affair is probably best.
I would LOVE to host dinner parties, but although I definitely have the tableware (it's an inherited disease), I don't have the table space. We frequently have one or two friends over for dinner, but that's not what I would call a "dinner party."
Also, I have only a few married friends, so coupling single friends up is hard. AND - very few of my good friends live within easy driving distance of my house. So if I'm going to have a party, I'm going to invite them ALL, which is like 60 people (usually around 30 show up at any given party), and I usually host at least one person overnight. Because why go through all the trouble of cooking for 6 when you can just as easily cook for 20? Lol.
I still wish I could have dinner parties though. Need a bigger living room/separate dining room first... Maybe on the picnic table on our screen porch (which is made of stone and has its own fireplace - we LOVE that room). We don't use it enough during the summer because we're so busy, but it's really perfect for entertaining...
A friend just emailed this to me while I'm planning a dinner party which she is attending :)
I think the pomp and circumstance is reduced, but I've been throwing dinner parties for years, often in a tiny no stove kitchen, and everyone loves it. Going out has its place, but its not as intimate as being in someone's home, or hosting them in yours.
I try and host dinner parties whenever I have the time, so usually at the beginning of every semester and over winter/ summer vacation (grad student here!) I never have more than 6 people over, I make some large stew thing, I don't have fancy china or crystal (see grad student above) but it means we can drink all of the wine we want (at a cheaper price), and we can just hang out after the meal and not have to worry about a lurking server, plus I get to show off my new fancy recipes!
In Detroit, proper & suburban,(we must always differentiate) the dinner party is very much alive, particularly with the Double Income No Kid(DINKS) and gay crowds. I don't have enough soirees, mostly b/c my husband & I can't agree on the guest list. We end up having more bbq's instead, but I can tell you that I feel very behind the times not having guests at my dinner table. It is always a treat to be invited to them.
This question was asked here before. I did not understand it then and I don't understand now. We host dinner parties all the time, and so do most of our friends. We did it when we lived in a tiny apartment with no dining room table (and dinner was served buffet style and people sat where they could and ate) and we do it now that we have a dining room and kids running around. Sometimes we bring out the good china, sometimes not. We never do placecards or anything so fancy, but always good food, wine, and friends. I think that constitutes a dinner party.
I did it a lot when I was single (gave them and attended). I'm now married to a fairly anti-social man, and we've only hosted family and our daughter's birthday parties. We are moving next year, and I am going to ask that we make SURE that wherever we land we set up the space to be more social. That might mean setting up a way for him to retreat when he's had enough of human society. I'd like my daughter to have friends over for dinner casually (one at a time) which isn't exactly a dinner party but that's how I learned. PS when I was single I never cared if I was "coupled up" and often preferred NOT to be. I like to see my friends; I didn't need some artificial "date" into the bargain.
i also think dinner parties are on the rise. we live in a tiny space, have no dining table, and yet we once hosted a group of 10 (8 guests). as long as we had a place to sit for everyone, they were good! we make the food, they bring the booze:
http://www.beyondthestoop.com/2012/01/dinner-for-10.html
living in a small space in NYC is no excuse, IMO. everyone lives in a tiny space, so if your friends are too stuck up to come to a small space, maybe you should re-evaluate the friendship? i eat at the coffee table every night for dinner, why is it improper that they do the same at a dinner party?
i like hosting because it gives me a REAL reason to tidy up the place, too!
I still host dinner parties, and so do some friends. I love it and I hope we will keep it alive!
Inviting friends in for a meal (Fancy or BBQ) will never go out of style. We adapt with time, space and friends. As we age our tastes and situations change, so we adjust our entertaining as well.
Pomp and circumstance goes out the window with my friends. Instead of one harried person preparing a meal-- the fun for us is actually working together in the kitchen-- libation in hand. When all's said and done-- we feast!
A small (but significant) fraction of students in the UK host dinner parties - I often cooked a roast dinner on a Sunday and got my friends to bring wine and dessert to spread the cost.
There are a growing number of young people over here who enjoy good food and cooking, but are often on too tight a budget to be able to visit excellent restaurants so instead like to flex their culinary muscle at home. Hosting (informal) dinner parties is often the cheapest way of being able to meet your friends and have an excellent evening, and the chef often gets left with lots of booze and compliments to boot!
My husband and I get together with two other couples and have dinner parties every other month. We all rotate in hosting and making the main course while the other two couples bring sides and dessert. We have themes for dinner like recipes from a particular Food Network chef or a certain cookbook. We look forward to it!
Good dinner parties, to me, are the equivalent of heaven on earth. The kind when you have interesting guests, and you are all simpatico and get along like a house on fire. when the conversation and laughter never dies, but keeps going for hours...
Good simple food, good friends, good wine, comfortable seating, those are the keys.
It's true though, that in Europe we did a lot more hosting and visiting. Here in North America, people are busier, they work longer and are more tired and frazzled. In Europe, we had at least one, if not two or three, invites each weekend. We had close friends that we wound up visiting with just about every weekend; it was lovely. We miss it.
I think the NYT is not talking about the kinds of dinner parties we of the unwashed masses have, where there's no fine china and we don't care which tray is proper for hors d'ouvres (or how to spell it, or that there are different sorts of trays!), but the focus is on the food. It sounds like they're talking about high society soirees with socialites and rich business people meeting each other, the standards for conversation being different than just enjoying hanging out with friends, and the food being...canned nuts and meatloaf.
Quite the opposite of my experience, really - we can't even give guests matching plates if there are more than two of them, we often design our parties around themed menus (from parts of the world to holidays to plain old homemade pizza), and sometimes guests bring salad or dessert. I don't have the time or energy to have them incredibly frequently, but because they are not the most common form of entertainment it seems like people really appreciate invitations. I agree with Miss Manners that "cooking for people at home" is something that is not going to get old, even if it takes different forms.
I literally always have a dinner party that I'm hosting on my schedule- it gives me something to look forward to and I love planning a menu and experimenting. Usually this is once a month with about 8 or so people. I live in a 600 sf studio with no dining table and that has never created any issues. People simply aren't bothered by your living arrangement, I swear, we're all just so neurotic into thinking we're always being judged for mismatched plates or not enough space. Tomorrow I'm hosting a 15 person brunch, which I do 1-2 times a month. Over half of the guest list will be people I've never even met before, so it should be really fun (or at least interesting!). I think most people would love to be invited into someone's home for a nice meal, wine & socializing. My circle of friends must agree, since we do weekly pot lucks at another couple's house, and dinner parties occasionally hosted by other friends. It will never go out of style.
If we're lucky enough to have a haul of foraged mushrooms, or some freshly caught squid or fish, we'll call people we think would enjoy sharing with us. It's always on the spur of the moment, no planning, dressing up or preparing the house for guests. So 'dinner party' sounds awfully grand, although we do make an effort to ensure that the food and wine are plentiful and fabulous.
I think of dinner parties as having a carefully selected guest list, a starting time, and a menu. So no, I've never hosted one.
While I do have people over for dinner a lot, it's always very casual and just a couple of friends or my siblings. Maybe it's nice out and we want to sit on the deck, maybe there's something on TV we want to watch together, maybe my sister wants to bake and split a loaf of banana bread with me... I guess the difference is that the dining is not the main event.
I also feel like there's something inherently couplesy about a dinner party. Like if it's just my best friends, then it's basically book club. Or if it's just family, then it's another family dinner. There needs to be some more craft in the guest list for it to say "dinner party." Is that just me?
Dinner parties need not be "couple-y". In fact, after noticing that I seemed to be overlooked for invitations to dinner parties after my divorce, I simply hosted more of my own. As the years pass, for one reason and another, friends cycle in and out of being single or coupled, and setting a model of inviting all has yielded a wider and richer experience at dinner parties. People truly enjoy being at the table in someone's home, and I truly enjoy hosting my friends, and have lovely memories to savor afterwards.
I regularly host what I would call a "party with dinner" for 15-30 people. I make a full 4 course meal complete with alcohol served as finger foods. It's a great chance to plan and execute a festive evening. I used to host them in high school and my mother graciously would cook all the courses.
I am having a dinner party for Epiphany with 8 of my closest girl friends to exchange presents. It's going to be a sit down dinner and probably a board game after. I agree with some other commenters that a dinner party is defined as 6+ guests. But don't worry about mismatched plates! Most people are just grateful to come and break bread.