LOL - don't over analyze it - just keep doing what YOU love, he'll either find interest or you will lose interest. .

I have a foodie friend who married someone exactly like the guy described above. She continues to cook the way she wants to and he eats it, and enjoys it, even though he may not "get it" the way a food enthusiast would.

To make up for that, my friend makes dinner dates with her friends to try out the restaurants she is eager to dine at, which is win-win for all involved. Especially for her foodie friends!

He might learn over time to appreciate food. I've often found that people who don't "get" it just haven't had enough experience. Then again, he might not. I don't know that I would dump someone just for that (I have several good friends who fall into the "food is fuel" camp) but I'd probably think about it. I have another friend who claims she didn't date a really hot guy solely because he didn't like food. He was definitely hot and seemed charming so I have no reason to doubt her.

Obviously, it bothers the letter-writer quite a bit that her guy doesn't "get" food. If it bothers her that much, maybe she should dump him. If it's just something she finds inexplicable but doesn't concider it a deal-breaker then she should keep going. I seriously doubt that it's indicative of some deep, scary flaw in the guy. Plenty of perfectly nice people aren't foodies.

I'm a big foodie, as well, and always dated guys who ranged between somewhat interested in food to totally uninterested. We always had fun together, but at the end of the day, something was lacking.

Fast forward a few years and I just got married to a chef and I can't imagine being with anyone else! So much of our time revolves around food: sourcing ingredients at markets and ethnic spots in town to checking out new restaurants to planning our garden to creating fabulous dinners for our friends.

Bottom line, if it's that important to you, then you should find someone that shares that passion.

As a future psychologist and foodie, I can't suggest going with it expecting him to change, because of course, we can't change people--we can only change ourselves. However, I did change my husband, who was as content with a peanut butter sandwich as this guy sounds. An exciting lunch for him was cereal with soy milk instead of regular milk. He tried to get into it, and cooked me dinner one night. It was a remake recipe of Outback's Alice Springs Chicken. Though I appreciated the though and sentiment, it was so disappointing in the culinary aspect. I think the secret was gently guiding him about food. He's still no cook--he screws up canned coup on a regular basis. I once burned my hand and had to talk him through finishing cooking a meal for our friends that I had started before hurting myself, and it was pretty exhausting. He doesn't quite value the subtlety of food preparation or the delicate balance of flavors I strive for, but he does get excited with bold flavors, so I try and satisfy my need for subtlety and interest with some in-yo-face flavor for him. He'll never be a good cook, but at least now he enjoys food well enough to enjoy talking to me about it or at least hear me talk about it. The more I teach him, the more he is interested, so I think the hand-holding is paying off, however slow it goes some days.

When I first met my husband, he didn't "get" food either, but to make matters worse, there were a lot of things he thought he didn't like, such as vegetables and "ethnic" foods. It took a lot of convincing him to even try Chinese food. I think part of his problem was that his mom is a really bad cook and also that he's from the middle of nowhere, Iowa. No Chinese restaurants in the town he grew up in, much less something more exotic like Thai or Vietnamese. He just wasn't experienced with food as something to be enjoyed. Fifteen years later, he "gets" it much more than he did and is almost always willing to try new things. He even eats some vegetables. He's not, and never will be, a foodie, but that doesn't bother me.

It wasn't a deal breaker to me though. I think it's just like any other factor in a relationship. Some things are important to you, some things aren't. I wouldn't have dated a guy who wasn't a reader, who just didn't "get" books, didn't like to read and discuss them and didn't understand why people might like to do that (scarily enough, there are people like that in the world). Maybe foodie stuff is that important to this woman. Maybe not. Only she can figure that out for herself.

I also really love food/food adventures and am dating someone who is indifferent ... but he is great in other ways and I just share my food interests with my friends who are also passionate about food.

Ultimately, I don't think it's a deal breaker. Just keep doing what you love and find other people to share your passion for food with. If he really is Mr. Perfect, sharing a love of food is not so important.

It's always rude to try to change someone and, what's more important, you can't do it. If he really is Mr. Perfect with the exception of this one thing, it would be really stupid to question whether or not you can trust him. Seriously? He's not a foodie so he's not trustworthy? That's completely ridiculous. That's akin to him being a football fanatic who considers dumping you because you don't want to go to games with him. Talk to him about how important it is to you and see if you can reach a compromise regarding food-seeking expeditions. Yes, it's important to you, so he should at least be willing to accommodate you by trying things (within limits), but that doesn't mean he has to like it, any more than you have to like his WOW habit or NASCAR memorabilia. Don't let a good relationship go to pot because your interests aren't 100% in line. You'll be alone for a very long time. And it's good to have your own interests. Maybe your foodie trips will become an opportunity to for both of you to spend time with your friends as individuals.

I think you need to involve him.

This sounds like it's very active for the girl, and the guy is just along for the ride.

We're guys, we're easy. We like everything that makes you happy. Hell, I love food, but I could eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich every night as well.

Maybe if that's what he likes, then you need to encourage him to take the journey to find the BEST peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Who makes the best bread (hell, learn to bake your own). Who has the best peanut butter (I actually prefer Whole Foods crunchy house brand), who has the best jam (again, go on that journey together and experiment with making your own jams).

Once you involve him on a level he can appreciate, then he may start to understand how you feel.

Or, when he cooks something, compliment the things you really like. We're men. We have pride. That encouragement and show of support will fire off the neurons that make us want to continue doing that.

Trust? Change? ACK! Just let the man be who he is! You be you! I like food as much as the next girl, but if a Mr. (nearly) perfect found me but didn't like food as much as I did, I am sure I would live just fine.

Seriously, you'd love him but try and change him? Not cool.

My husband works the same way. It's not that he can't tell the difference between tasty and not so tasty food, it's just that he doesn't really care and is perpetually confused by why it's such a big deal to me. To me, cooking and sharing food with people I love IS love, so it's caused some awkward moments.. Now I still make delicious food, and he enjoys it as much as he can, and he's always, always appreciative of the time and effort I took, and he knows and interprets it as an expression of love. We also go on food adventures away from home occasionally - I for the yummy food and he for the novelty - and regardless of our individual perspectives on the importance of food, it's still a great way to spend time together, date, hold hands, everything. I'm more than happy with that! In the end everyone is going to have slightly different interests.. I share in what he loves at least enough to listen when he rants and be proud of his accomplishments in his hobbies, and he does the same for me.. it works out nicely. ;)

Obviously, this is a very personal issue and only the individual involved can answer that.

Speaking from personal experience as a long-time foodie, it would be a deal-breaker for me. I love to cook; I plan vacations around restaurants I want to go to. I like to visit grocery stores when I travel to new places. My personal motto is life's too short to have a mediocre meal.

Food and the enjoyment of food is such a huge part of who I am that I doubt I'd even go on more than a few dates with someone who didn't value/appreciate food to the level that I do. But, that's just me. Fortunately my SO is generally a happy participant in my culinary/foodie pursuits.

As long as he eats his vegetables, it'll be fine.
But if he's insisting that a peanut butter sandwich is enough without a side of carrots or cucumbers, then you might have a problem.

Not being concerned about food preparation or food quality is ok as long as it's not a part of a greater reluctance to eat healthily. Unhealthy eating can be a symptom of general irresponsibility and can lead to serious health issues (and excessive snoring, followed by expensive elective surgeries) later on in your relationship.

If it's not a general healthy eating issue, I'd suggest planting the seed with a viewing of Food Inc., to get him thinking about where food comes from and how he might go about eating more responsibly. Insist on a few casual strolls through the farmers market and let him taste the difference between that and the supermarket. Then give him a chance to consider what he's learned and slowly alter his routine.

I second ErikTheRed -- involve him. I was never interested in food preparation (although I've always loved eating!) until I started engaging. Then it shifted my entire perspective.

When I met my ex-boyfriend, I wasn't super into films. I liked watching movies, and I could appreciate a good film, but it just wasn't my cup of tea. After several months and many, many films, it clicked and I even started loving some of the films he selected.

I'd say this: I wouldn't say that not being culinary-inclined or a foodie is a dealbreaker. Give him a chance to see what you see, and to love what you love, without expecting anything in return. If he really is as amazing as you imply he is -- Mr. Perfect -- then I'm sure you can come to some sort of compromise.

You can't change him. HE may change, but don't continue the relationship expecting that you can change him.

Deal breaker? Your choice. For me, a relationship with a man is not the creation of a Siamese twin. I don't require that my man share all my tastes. So for me, food is VERY important. I'd continue to cook as I like (sometimes cooking his faves, of course) and follow my foodie interests with other friends.

After all, doesn't he have important interests you don't share?

This is one of the (many) differences we've had to deal with in the past. In the end it came down to this: because I care about the food we eat, I cook. I don't have a problem with this, as it is my choice to do so. I don't expect him to come check out some new restaurant with me, that's what I have friends for, but I do expect him to eat what's put in front of him, or else make his own. Note: he always eats what I put in front of him, and almost all the time enjoys it! Except for collards...

In the end, as someone else has mentioned, it comes down to his lack of experiences in his formative years with food. Garlic powder was an exotic spice. I have not tried to change him, but I have noticed a slight shift in his position on food. Oh, the glorious day when we were at a restaurant and he commented on how oversalted the food was. Swoon! He still can't cook to save his life, and I don't expect him to learn as it's not something he's interested in. It is good enough that he understands that food is important to me, and accepts that we're not going to be a Pizza on Friday couple. Or maybe we are, and he can have his meat lovers, but I'm going to have a goat cheese and caramelized onion pizza instead.

I've learned that you can't change a person you're with, but many times you end up changing together throughout the course of a relationship, so as long as you're both happy and understand as well as possible how you feel about things, thats all that matters.

My father is hardly what you would call a foodie, as he can and does eat the same thing for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, but he did get used to eating a wide variety of dishes and cuisines when my mother made them for him. He would try new restaurants with her and would gamely travel to visit their children living in foreign countries and cities. He was even a very good sport about some of her more experimental dishes! I think it is more about the overall relationship with the individual and that the person is open to new things and not closed off as far as food goes.

I am married to one of those. He doesn't get it - has never cooked me a meal - can't photograph me cooking properly for my blog cause he doesn't know what is the important step to capture - won't go anywhere to eat that he has to put a jacket on for....BUT does he respect u, does he love you, does he get along with your family and friends even if he can't stand them...if the answer to this are yes; then he is a catch and the rest can be taught. The important thing is that he doesn't prevent you from enjoying this part of your life and that he doesn't deny going with you to make you happy.

I think there's a difference between someone who doesn't "get" being a foodie and someone who has "food quirks".

In other words: someone who makes himself a peanut butter sandwich for dinner because he doesn't want to expend the effort himself might be perfectly happy eating something else if someone ELSE cooked it. So -- he could be a very good "audience" for your culinary adventures, but also would be just as happy on the nights when you didn't want to cook and just wanted to order a pizza instead.

However, someone who only eats a peanut butter sandwich because he is actively OPPOSED to the idea of eating something elaborate, well, that's something else again.

"Can you really trust someone who doesn’t care about food? "

Uh, seriously? I think this is a really superficial person asking this question. If the other person was just like you, why bother marrying them? Do you love all the things that your boyfriend loves? Do you think that he might not "trust" you because you don't appreciate the nuances about football?

Get over yourself. Holy..

I married that man! I love to cook, try new foods and eat at new places. My husband of 11 years enjoys only 1. plain, dried-out chicken 2. Jiffy Peanut Butter on WHITE bread 3. Pasta with PLAIN Hunts tomato sauce (nothing added, thank you). His idea of the ideal vegetable is a plain Idaho potato baked to death. If I want to try a new recipe, I cook for myself or for friends. I check out new restaurants with friends. Most of the time he's on his own for dinner since it's too frustrating to prepare a meal that is palatable to the rest of the world and then put it through the de-favorizing machine for him.

The idea at meal time is to spend time together, enjoy each other’s company but not necessarily eat the same foods. In the beginning I would get angry that the hard work I put into a dish wasn’t appreciated. I found that “nourishing” the relationship through food does not work for my mate. I have expanded his culinary horizons by introducing him to Mexican cuisine and my meatloaf (he won't eat anyone else's). I managed to sneak in brown rice and (gasp) he now eats whole grain English muffins. This is only after a decade.

That depends. Is it just about the food, or is it a symptom of a larger divide between the two of you? (For example, you being a more adventurous person in general while he's content to sit at home in front of the TV with a PB sandwich.) If it's just about the food, maybe he'll get more into it over time and if not then you could just chalk it up to different interests. As someone who's been married a few years and with my husband for 10, I can say that having separate interests is not a bad thing, as long as you have stuff in common too. It gives you a chance to go out and explore stuff on your own, hang out with friends, recharge.
On the other hand, if he's a picky eater and won't ever go out to restaurants with you or eat what you cook, it might drive you crazy. I have a foodie friend who once dated a guy who only like three types of food (plain steak, potato chips and I can't remember what else.) They ended up breaking up for other reasons, but it was really annoying to her throughout their whole relationship. I wouldn't have lasted nearly as long as she did.

You just can’t trust them, period. One day he’s going to shiv you with the knife he just used to spread his generic mass-market produced peanut butter on his WonderBread

Have him cook something with you.
when I met my husband he didn't care about food at all either & wouldn't try things. Anyways, when you cook the food you enjoy it more, (I read that somewhere...)
I had him just help me in the kitch at first and now he has really gotten into it. He likes to follow recipes to the letter and I free-hand almost everything, but I think we've learned a lot from each other, a I really enjoy the time we spend together cooking.

Eating with someone that doesn't share your passion for food, whether it's a significant other, family member, friend, or roommate is very frustrating to say the least. Most picky eaters have sort of a smug attitude about it like they are somehow above whatever particular food they don't like. As a person who is passionate about food, I want the other person to enjoy themselves. It doesn't matter if I cooked the dish or if we are dining in one of my favorite restaurants. Nobody wants their dining companions to have a terrible time. It's really stressful to start a meal and you have to watch the non-foodie make faces at a dish that you spent hours cooking or that most people find delicious.

P.S. for the life of me I can't find this actual question on the CHOW website. Can anyone directly link me to the story, NOT the main Table Manners page?

I think getting his input is important, make something he likes (say spaghetti, who doesn't find it comforting?) have him taste the sauce, and add something special that he would like, does he like mushrooms? red wine, cinnamon? the dinner will be special.

What does HE care about? Have you put yourself out to immerse yourself in his interests? If not, then you need to find another almost Mr. Perfect.

Its heartening to hear all of you out there who have significant others who aren't interested in food the way you are. I am in the same boat. I always wanted to find someone who would truly appreciate my cooking and making so many things from scratch. I just don't think its possible to find someone who can fulfill every attribute you want perfectly. I did not feel like I was settling at all for my husband who adores me, makes me laugh and we do share many interests and things that we care about. He likes watching food shows and eating out at many places, but we probably won't be cooking together any time soon.

I guess it just depends on what is most important to you and how this issue is treated in your relationship. If he respects your interests and does his best to understand that this is something that is important to you, I think that is worth quite a lot. If this is an issue that you will always feel unsettled about, then maybe you should let him go. I just don't think you are going to find someone who is perfect in every way, I'm sure there are things that he wishes you liked more, too.

I suppose if you are super serious about food or it is your passion and something you love so much you are searching for a partner that is as passionate about it as your are (because having something in common to share together is important) then maybe borderline Mr. Perfect isn't for you.

But to suggest that not appreciating food as much as you do means you can't trust them, is a flaw at all, or a sign of some deeper problem is completely ridiculous.

Perhaps borderline Mr. Perfect wouldn't be as interested in you if he knew you were thinking this about him in this regard or on a quest to change him.

My boyfriend...it's not that he doesn't care about food, it's just that he'd happily eat frozen pizza every night. When we first started dating, I had to explain to him the difference between Pizza Hut and actual pizza. When he does cook it's either fried chicken or fish, or this bizarre (but tasty) rice and beans that takes hours but yields about two servings.

Now that we live together, I'm really starting to see how serious his ambivalence is. I've been cooking and baking and experimenting and, while he likes everything I make, doesn't really understand why I put in so much effort.

My boyfriend, and yours, they might change. They could evolve, or they could not. At this point, I appreciate that he makes an effort to help me pursue my interests even if he doesn't share them. I try to do the same for him. I think that's the best you can do with relationships, just try to be there for the person you love.

sygyzy ---it's not on Chow yet, Helena wants a second or thirtieth opinion ---the results here will be for a future column

If he's completely clueless about food and doesn't show an interest in learning about it and if you can live with it, then share your food adventures with friends. Don't pressure him to do something that he doesn't want to do. I'm sure that there are things that he wants you to be interested in that you aren't.

A significant other is not someone who encompasses all that we desire. We have different friends who appreciate different things and we share those adventures with them. Would you change a friend who doesn't like Indie films? No, you'd just go see those films with a friend who loves them as much as you do.

You can accept him the way he is or try to change him. One way he'll feel loved, the other, he'll resent you.

I often lamented that my husband hated coffee and we couldn't gaze into each other's eyes over a steaming cuppa, like in the commercials. Thirty years later I can't drink the stuff any longer because of health issues. I would hate it if he now complained that I wasn't drinking coffee with him!

On another note, I have enjoyed the culinary pedestal on which I have been placed by my husband for over thirty years. He is a brilliant man, serves me and our family like crazy and a loving guy, but definitely not a cook. He once confessed to me that he is so amazed that I "mix things together" mysteriously and come up with such delicious meals for him. I treasure my elevated position!

I realize the question has to do with seeking common ground before long-term commitment--a wise task.

Unless he's a picky eater and refuses to try anything new or eat anything other than what's on a very narrow list (IMHO, THOSE are good reasons to end things!), there's nothing wrong with not "getting" food. He might come around, he might not, but if he's "nearly perfect" why be THAT judgmental.

My husband and I have been together for 33 years and been married for 30. We feel our success as a couple lies in part on realizing that it is ok to have some different interests and do thing independently. For example, he loves movies--I don't enjoy movies at all, so he sees the movies he wants with friends, on dvr, etc. I'm much more of an introvert, so I don't always go with him when he goes out with friends. We often take separate vacations, not because we don't like each other, but we enjoy doing different things on vacation. We respect and try to work with our differences so that each of us can live well within the relationship. And, frankly, it is more fun to be with someone who does have interests and activities outside of those you share; it keeps things fresh and interesting.

I don't see any one thing as a deal breaker unless you decide it is important enough to be a deal breaker. Are there things that for each of us would be deal breakers? Yes. But not that many and on most things we are pretty flexible and willing to work with the other person--because we know that regardless of the differences, our relationship is worth it.

My husband was like many of the examples above. When I first met him, he was a busy grad student who ate Subway sandwiches most nights. While he appreciated a home cooked meal, he knew nothing about food, and didn't really care to cook much for himself.

Once we were living together, he tolerated my mostly vegetarian and often dairy-free meals created with many ingredients I'm sure he'd never heard of, and today he continues to do so. He's interested in exercising and keeping healthy through diet, as long as he doesn't have to be in charge of coming up with healthy recipes. He loves to entertain and we collaborate: he sets the atmosphere and sets up the table and cleans up after I cook for dinner parties. And he loves adventuring and trying new things like I do, so he'll gladly lap up weird side dishes at Korean BBQ or try out a local specialty while we're traveling.

I figured when I was younger that I'd end up with someone who is a foodie, but now I see how that could actually have been a problem. It's wonderful to be with someone who is flexible and tolerates my pretty specific ideas about what I want to eat. It is a delight to be with someone who loves pretty much any food I put down in front of him. Does he know the origins of quinoa or how to make dashi broth from scratch? Absolutely not! But I certainly don't care because we overlap on the lifestyle choices that matter. If he was a person who didn't like new experiences (food or otherwise), or if he was a complete couch potato, now that would be a dealbreaker!

There's some great advice above, the sum up of which would be: don't count on changing anyone. But, just because someone doesn't cook gourmet meals or care about locally sourced ingredients doesn't mean that you can't be together happily.

Eh, I say it's not a problem. If he's not interested in cooking, hopefully he's interested in (or at least agreeable to) doing the dishes after I cook...

As with any hobby or passion, it's an easier start point to find someone who shares it with you. Certainly encourage and expose him to it in as many positive ways as possible!

However, the main key is in how Mr. Perfect treats you when you talk about food or go on these restaurant expeditions. It sounds like you're a food enthusiast and this is a big part of your life; it may sound weird to some, but for people like you (and me), food (cooking AND eating) is a hobby and passion. So think of it as your hobby and passion. Is he supportive of it? Does he try to get involved to understand where you're coming from? Or does it annoy him? Does it get in the way? Does he roll his eyes when you rave about a new ingredient, or does he think it's cute how excited you get?

It's not whether he is, will be, or won't ever be as enthusiastic as you are about food, it's whether or not he's supportive and interested in what you love about your beloved hobby that will make or break the relationship.

(But if he doesn't like garlic or onions, dump him. I speak from experience)

People change over time on their own, both my husband have changed an incredible amount since we first started dating. Finding someone who loves you for who you are is rare and I don't feel that your interests necessarily need to line up it makes for a more interesting relationship in the long run.

this really isn't about food.

it's about a passion you have...and he doesn't share. but could maybe learn to share it.

my feeling on it is:

if i'm truly passionate about something- the guy i'm with better take an interest. he doesn't have to go full fledged into it...but he should at least know it's a passion of mine- and make and effort to understand/appreciate/share it.

Quite frankly I'm kind of surprised this question is being addressed the way it is. If you are thinking of breaking up with an "borderline perfect" partner over something like this, there are obviously other problems going on.

I think it is important for passionate people to be with a partner that has passion about something, but it doesn't have to be that one thing that you yourself love. They should appreciate that you are passionate even if they don't love your "thing" like you do, and they should be supportive of your efforts and enthusiasm.

But really, if you are questioning your relationship in any type of public forum I think you have your answer and just want someone else to vocalize it for you. You're the only one who can decide if you really want to stay with this guy; relationships are a package deal.

Can you change him? Nope. Can you trust him? Well, did you trust him before?

My fiance is not a foodie. My world revolves around food. But I see it as a challenge. His food vocabulary consisted of pasta, campbells canned soup, and some weird chicken with canned gravy over noodles (so more pasta).

So now that we're to be married, I have to come up with creative ways to get him to eat things that he thought he didn't like, or wasn't adventurous enough to try. And that is exciting. Even if it consists of making lasagna cups with spinach and ham opposed to a pan of traditional lasagna, it's a step in the right direction, and it exposes him to new things, while still keeping me happy in the kitchen. Will I ever get him to voluntarily choose a trendy thai restaurant over olive garden? No, probably not. But that's okay, because I know he'd at least try it for me.

There is a huge difference between someone who "doesn't get" the passionate enjoyment of food, and someone who is merely uneducated in food and disinterested in food preparation, but can appreciate it.

For me, the former is a deal breaker, the latter isn't.

Food, at least my take on it, is so key to so much of life... It nourishes not just the body, but the soul. Eating is a key sensual pleasure, and I don't think I could be with someone who doesn't derive sensual enjoyment and pleasure from food; especially given how closely linked it is to sexual pleasure.

Having divergent tastes isn't really a problem (for example, if one partner doesn't like strong cheeses or organ meats), but not being on the same sensual plain is a problem.

After 21 years, my husband still swoons when I cook for him, and I still love seducing him through food.

Food is so much what I am about and who I am, I don't think I could be with someone who didn't appreciate a well-executed meal. I would feel frustrated and unappreciated, and would wonder about our compatibility in other areas...

This reminds me of the joke about the husband store:

A woman goes to the store to find a husband. On the 1st floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs

The 2nd floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

The 3rd floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids and are extremely Good Looking.

“Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the 4th floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

“Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims. “I can hardly stand it!” Still, she goes to the 5th floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help with Housework and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the Sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 71,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that you are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

I cook professionally and I wouldn't dump a guy because his food tastes aren't the same as mine. If he didn't respect what I did, it would be different.

Go out and eat something more elaborate than his pb&j. He probably won't hate it. Maybe he'll get into it eventually.

Good luck!

I dated a guy who didn't enjoy eating food. You could boil a gym sock, and he would scarf it down, not even tasting it, in about 3 minutes. How can you enjoy eating with someone who is hoovering his dinner? And for me, I like to cook for people who appreciate the outcome. When someone never says, "Mmm, this is good," there's no motivation to cook for that person. It was just one of many things, but it was a big thing.

If this guy has absolutely "no appreciation", as my ex had none, then I think there are going to be problems. If you're asking for advice about it, I think that's foretelling that it's going to bother you, and it will only become a bigger problem.

I love food and all that goes along with it and I'm lucky that my husband feels the same way but not everyone does and that isn't weird or bad. This situation would be no different if you changed out your love of food for a love of -INSERTPASSIONHERE- ie animals, shopping, quantum physics.

My husband loves building computers, I love organizing stuff, we each respectively have no interest in the other's hobby and that's no problem because A. we have lots of other interests in common and B. we channel that interest into other venues. While he builds I organize and then we join up to do something together so that neither of us feels neglected or ignored. Other times we spend time with friends who share our passion and then meet up later to do something different together.

You can't expect your guy to love everything you love anymore than he can expect you to love everything he loves. What if this guy was online asking if he should dump you because you're perfect except that you don't like football?

So, unless you have a good reason (like it just doesn't feel right, he's a jerk, he actively pushes you to give up your foodie status, etc) learn to love him for who he is just as you expect him to love you despite your constant chatter about exotic spices and rare kitchen gadgets. Besides, maybe food IS the way to a mans heart and in time he'll come around. Just don't be pushy or insulting about it and make sure he understands that this is important to you and that when you cook for him it's one of the ways you're expressing your love. Then, if he's as good as you say he is, he'll make food important to him, not because he loves it, but because you do.

Deal Breaker. It is like house hunting, seriously. You'll find another one, and it will be sooooo much better. It wasn't meant to be. You can find a new (food) luvah here, perhaps?

Meaning, of course, find someone here at thekitchen, not me personally! I'm all set (& my other half is totally on board with the food thing)

If he really doesn't care, then you have to be prepared to do all the cooking, and likely all the food shopping too. The only way I would do this is if he was entirely willing to do the dishes all the time and even then...not sure. It's hard to have something be a BIG part of your life if it's ZERO of his.

I think it depends on how many other things you can enjoy together.

My husband doesn't share an appreciation for most of the things I love, but we're able to bond quite nicely via certain interests.

If this guy's lack of interest in food seems to indicate a lack of passion in general, then the problem isn't his indifference to food but his indifference to life. But if he has a zest for life in other arenas and happens to consider food purely functional, let it go. We all can't love everything.

There are many differences that could be a lot worse - differing views on religion, human rights, political views etc...

I LOVE food, but I am picky vegetarian. My husband LOVES meat, but hates "weird" vegetables like eggplant and can't cook a thing. How do we survive? On nights we eat in, I make vegetarian "non-weird" food. On nights where I want to cook eggplant - he makes himself a ready-to-eat meal and we eat our different meals together. We go to restaurants where I can really enjoy my food and he can eat meat. And I hang out with people who appreciate vegetarian gourmet food.

As other have written, if he is passionate about nothing or you share no passions, then maybe there are larger issues.

PS - My husband's big culinary accomplishment this year - cooking macaroni without asking me to check if it was ready.

i could not share my life with a person that was not into food. my life, pasion, obsession, dreams, time, all spent on and around food.

for some people it´s okay, but for me it would not be okay. my hubby understands the food thing. and we really enjoy it together, he love´s to eat.

i guess you just need to see how important food really is to you, and if he is willing to open up to your pasion.

i would not trust someone that is not willing to open up and to try and learn something about your pasion. it does not mean he needs to like it or to do it, but at least try. he needs to try to "get" it. in my opinion. blowing of the interest of the other person is not cool. compromise peeps!.

good luck!!!!

Personally, I think we fall in love *despite* our partner's imperfections, not *because* of their perfection. Either he's the one or he's not, and overthinking exact compatabilility is a good way to be sure you never find him.

No! It's like trying to date a guy that doesn't "get" pets.

Ours is not the eat to live/live to eat dichotomy, but I married a man who will eat a frozen burrito as happily as some multi-course extravaganza involving [height-of-season/ pricey/ exotic/ organic/ gourmet] ingredients that I've slaved and fiddled over for hours.

Sometimes it's a bit of a letdown that he doesn't fully "appreciate" the effort (he always is grateful, but undifferentiatedly so). But at the same time it's a relief that he is NOT picky and will gamely eat my failed experiments as well - this gives me a lot of freedom.

I know that when I cook fancy it's because I enjoy it, not because I have to impress anyone but myself. But I know that I can occasionally make something so outstanding that even he will know when I've hit it out of the park. That's often in the back of my mind, and very motivational.

Also key is that he does eat almost anything. If he were unwilling to venture beyond steak and potatoes or white foods, I don't think we would have dated for long.

When my SO and I first started dating he told me if he could take a pill for all his nutrition and never have to eat, he would do it (I think that might be a Dave Eggers quote or something?)

Fast forward six years, and he's still terrified of onions and potatoes, and I'll tell you, it's been a contentious point in our relationship. I REALLY REALLY do not get the anti-potatoes thing. But, I have convinced him to try sushi and Indian food, and he now loves both! Despite my willingness to eat pretty much anything and his pickiness we've managed to find common food ground. As long as you have some foodie friends who will go out to eat with you at more adventurous places, you will be fine.

If eats everything you put before him, that's better than him not really liking food and therefore rejecting your cooking! I'm in the latter situation, and the rejection is hard to handle. Something I've done to help with this is is to take two things he really likes- potatoes and white bread- and perfect them. Hassle backs, chips, hamburger buns, baguettes. That way, I get to share my love of food with him in some small way, and he feels involved in my interests. I also have a "food soul mate"- a best friend who I cook with and who can read my mind in the kitchen- we're perfect together when it comes to food, and we share such a bond over it. So I don't really need to have that in a romantic partner. But I won't lie, day to day living is a bit hard. Especially cause eating as a family is so important to me. Maybe if I had a bigger family, and he was just the outsider who didn't like the food, I'd feel better about it, cause I'd have all the affirmation I need. It's just hard to think that the one thing I care about and pursue more than anything is sort of irrelevant and unappreciated by the person I love.

I'm a guy and I really love cooking. I couldn't date a girl that didn't enjoy food and cooking. It's such a big part of my life, and the way that I think family life ought to be, that I can't imagine spending my life with someone that didn't enjoy food.

Many of my best memories of growing up involve me and my family sitting around the dinner table enjoying a really well-cooked meal. I expect to share cooking responsibilities at about a 50:50 ratio, probably making most meals cooperatively.

This is just me, I'm kind of a fanatic about food though.

Oh yeah, and my post above isn't advice, it's just how I would react to the issue. I enjoy going on dates to restaurants. Whenever I eat out I usually want to talk about the food we're eating and culinary experimentation etc. I'd realize pretty quickly that the other person isn't interested in food and it would be a huge turnoff for me. I'd have visions of her feeding our hypothetical future children bologna sandwiches and Kraft macaroni and cheese (not that these aren't OK occasionally), and it would be all over.

Also, money issues can be a big point of contention in relationships. I tend to spend a lot of money on groceries, compared to most Americans, because I care about how my foods are processed and where they came from. I could see this becoming an issue in a relationship with a non foodie.

I am convinced that the reason I am not married is because I always seemed to fall in love with men who didn't really care about food or had food fetishes (everything having to be separate on the plate, that was one of them). It seems like a small thing but it gets to basic values about how to experience life, and I think it CAN be (not IS for sure, but CAN be) an indicator of limitations in other areas of enjoyment (travel, for example).

To some, food is fuel. If this is such an issue that you would post something inviting public commentary, he's the one that should consider running for the hills. Tell the poor guy that you've done this and find out his reaction. You're problem will likely be solved.

I don't see why it has to be a dealbreaker that he doesn't love food as much as you.

My husband has no sense of taste. He didn't grow up eating meals with his family, either. When we moved in together, I explained how important food is to me. He loves me, so he cooks wonderful meals when I am busy, chops up vegetables alongside me, and helps me clean up my mini kitchen explosions. (Even though he would never do this on his own.)

A major upside is that he won't make faces when a dinner experiment goes awry!

I also want to add that I don't think love of food is purely psychological. My husband literally can't taste or smell things as much as I can. We've actually sat around in the kitchen running taste tests, with him trying to guess "is there garlic in this?" or "is there basil in this?" and he fails miserably. Your guy might be the same way.

i am happily married to a foodie and i must say it is awesome. would it have been a deal breaker if he wasn't? probably not, but our holidays and outings wouldn't be nearly as much fun.

my mother, one of the best cooks i know, is married to a man for whom food is merely fuel. my father is fully self-sufficient (he can make sandwiches and that is all he requires) and could live on canned stuff. over the years he has learned to appreciate the effort my mom puts into cooking, but i know he still doesn't "get it." he is absolutely baffled that the rest of us can sit around and talk about food. to him it'd be like talking about breathing or toenail clippings.

so all in all, this question has made me want to go and kiss my husband, garlic breath and all...

Really? *THAT'S* a tough one? He's perfect in every way, but he doesn't like the same food, so let's just call it off. That's a recipe for being in your mid-40's and alone if I've ever heard one.