my tips for a good wedding registry (hey I just did this recently) are:
1. find package deals on little items - people are more likely to buy you a set of wooden spoons rather than 1 $1 spoon, same goes for bowls, dish sets, small kitchen tools, towlels etc.
2. pick lots of little items. people will get you those $10 items!
3. pick big items too! someone (or a group) will get you that stand mixer!
4. keep updating it as the wedding gets closer - if lots has been purchased (yes you need to look!) add more! I actually love some of the things I slipped on the registry w/out consulting fiance towards the end since 'why not?!'. You can always use a nice tray, coasters, mini trifle bowls, a table runner etc.!

A lot of people use their wedding registry to upgrade their items, but please -- why are you asking for a $265 All-Clad saucepan when you are only going to put Hamburger Helper in it?

Good tools make your cooking easier, but it doesn't make food taste better. My darling mother made the most wonderful dishes cooking in pots she bought from a garage sale when my parents first moved to this country.

Can you please make a list like this for baby registries, too? There seem to be so many things that people try to sell you or convince you you need that you really don't. Help!

My advice: for the love of all your friends and family, please resist the urge to go totally hog-wild. We know a couple who registered for more exorbitantly expensive items than I could count at seven- yes, SEVEN- different stores. There was enough stuff on these registries to stock Buckingham Palace, Waterford crystal + Tiffany silver and all.

Apparently, they ended up with the oddest assortment of things, none of them comprising complete sets, and were exceedingly frustrated when they were only allowed to make returns for store credit. So now they have things like one sterling lobster cracker, three crystal goblets, one 1200 thread count pillowcase in each of four unmatching colours, two lion's head soup bowls.... you get the idea.

Don't be that couple.

Oh thank goodness, someone else who is going through this! I'm also getting married in September (congratulations, by the way), and the registry has been much more stressful than I had anticipated. Thanks so much for the tips!

Beatrix, that made me giggle very hard. Thanks. :)

Yes, this was a most interesting process. Truly, it's key to keep your items down to what you really NEED, not just what seems like a fun item when you're going scanner-happy in the store.

beatrix - your story made me smile, too :)

My list if you are starting from absolutely nothing, seeing as I recently started cooking myself after moving out on my own and have been accumulating the necessities (we are also getting married so we have been putting together a registry too!)

1. 12" fry pan, fully clad
2. 8" cast iron or non-stick, whichever you prefer
3. 4 qt saucepan w lid, fully clad
4. decent cutting board
5. 6" and 8" chef's knives (i have smaller hands)
6. utility knife or paring knife
7. half sheet
8. baking rack that can fit inside the half sheet
9. 9x13 and 8x8 casserole dish (8x8 holds 2 qts, 9x13 holds 3 I think)
10. mixing/prep bowls
11. wooden spoon w flat edge
12. whisk
13. tongs
14. can opener
15. meat thermometer
16. measuring instruments (cups and spoons)

yup, that's about it. Those are the pieces we wanted to really invest in (ok maybe not the wooden spoon) and the rest weren't absolutely necessary. now i have to go read the others :)

It's stressful because you can't pick all the cookware that you may need for the rest of your life. The rest of your life could go a million different ways. Just pick the things that you either need to upgrade or that you think you'll need in the next 2 years. After that, it's up to you to finance your own life.

This is timely, as I'm currently resisting making a registry for my own wedding. I don't want to oblige my friends and family to outfit my house. I'm a grown woman (and so is my wife-to-be) and the idea that anyone owes me an upgraded or new anything is something I don't feel good about. I feel like the registry is kind of a relic, and against the spirit I want at my wedding - but it's hard to tell people who are used to the arms race of wedding giving that no, we're serious, we don't want things. Our wedding is different. We're leaning towards setting up a donation pool for a restaurant gift certificate or something, to minimize stuff while acknowledging their need to give - whether it's out of love or out of social obligation. I'm sure some things will slip through, so we're asking one parent to kind of manage a registry for people who expect that kind of thing.

I agree with Nora Rocket.

I refused to have a registry (and an engagement ring, to boot). I think they are anachronistic and, quite frankly, vulgar.

For the last two commentors, why don't you and your respective fiances pick a chairty that you care about and let guests donate in your name? I recently started raising money for the American Cancer Society and its been really wonderful how my family and friends have come out to support. I imagine that if you're having a wedding and don't want gifts, this would be a great way to 1. Let guests give a gift and 2. Donate to a great charity. Then at the reception you could make an announcement about how much money the guests help donate. The more that I think about it, the more I really like the idea, but that's me =)

Happy wedding planning everyone!

I remember when registry was just to let people know what china and flatware pattern you picked out. The whole running around with a scanner thing--I dunno. Why not ask for gift cards and avoid the stress. I remember a recent post showing track lighting installation where there was All Clad cookware hanging that looked like it had never been cleaned. My first thought was "Must have got it as a wedding present because if they paid for it themselves they would take care of it more." Wow am I ever a cranky pants.

@debsss -- a misunderstanding -- I've been happily married for 23 years!

When I got married in the 80's, I let my parents plan my wedding and I just showed up (it was less emotional aggravation with the control-freak of a mother I have). There was no registry, and my large Italian family gave the traditional white envelopes. Believe me, no one would have paid any attention to us if we had said, "no gifts."

As it turned out, we were broke when we got married, and since we hadn't set up house together before the wedding, we were able to get the basics that we needed. No fine china or silver lobster crackers for us.

If I were getting married today, I would do as you suggested.

@ljgfromof: made me laugh out loud!

I understand the aversion some people have to wedding registries, and I would respect it if a website or word-of-mouth said "no gifts" or "donate to a charity"-- which is what a cousin of mine did.

But a registry is useful, too. People WILL buy you gifts! And many couples NEED things for their home. I'm so happy to kill two birds with one stone by getting a couple something they need and like (rather than one of those oft-misplaced off registry gifts from Aunt Mildred that, while given with love, you say WTF IS THIS to haha), and showing in another way that I love them and am happy for them.

People are generally happy to give gifts. There's nothing wrong with that. Might as well get what you need rather than 12 mis matched plates or 3 identical blenders.

I think registries are helpful for guests who ask, but information about them should never be placed with the wedding invitation!

My mother-in-law insisted that we register for good china, so we did. The china registry seemed antiquated to me, but we made one to make her happy--and it did. We also registered for items in range of prices, but kept the list to items that we thought would not "age"--nice pots and pans, good knives, classic table linens, etc.

I have to say -- go for the expensive fluffy towels!! It may seem like a waste, but I am thankful for them each and every morning!

Deb from SmittenKitchen posted this a while ago, and I remember wishing she'd posted it before I got married!
http://smittenkitchen.com/2009/12/build-your-own-smitten-kitchen/
Very useful items and from a *real* cook, not just a friend who likes fancy things but never uses them. (from these comments, it seems we all know folks like this!)

Maybe I'm just a jerk, but if you can't think of things to put on your registry, don't! I've known couples who have registered for things like iPods. Don't be that couple.
People will give you money, or use the registry for a honeymoon, or like another poster said, restaurant cards.
Also, as a 24 year old, I'd like to ask people to include cheaper things. Sorry, I can't afford an $80 platter for you and there's nothing cheaper on your registry.

We're having a destination wedding so there will be no gift registry. Both of us come from a culture where registries are not a common place.
But for the people who are registering, please request the things you love. There is nothing worse than going over to someone's house where they still have their gifts in boxes and have been married for over 5 years. People buy you things so that you can start to make memories with them. :)

debssss - that's a fine idea! We are still settling on something, and will probably do just as you suggest through our wedding website. Probably the ASPCA in our wedding state and a marriage equality drive in our home state...

1. Look and see what you and your fiance actually have.
2. Evaluate what you actually *need*. Not want, not wish for, not upgrade. Need.
3. Find a store or two that stocks those products and set up a registry. Do not simply wander aimlessly about the mall pointing a scanner gun at anything that seems fun/awesome/sparkly.
4. Send out invitations without any mention of the registry.
5. If/when guests ask about a registry, provide them with the proper information.
6. If someone doesn't look at your registry and they get you something hideous that you hate, smile and send a thank you note anyway. You will survive the ordeal.

My fiance and I just put together our registry. He's enjoyed giving me my kitchen wishlist for holidays and birthdays over the years, so we really didn't need anything that you'd find on a "standard" registry. So we registered for bikes! People can donate what they want, and we're going with a small local shop who will keep track of the total for us. We'll cover any gaps.

Having said that, my kitchen wishlist over the years has been very well thought out and well edited. I get ideas from thekitchn, Cooks Illustrated, amazon reviews...smitten kitchen's list and others like it helped me think about what I might want or need. So now I have an eclectic mix of hand me down cookware and newer stuff, and I love and use every piece I have.

I had always made do with some inexpensive basics, so when I registered, it was for good quality upgrades that I knew I'd use. One piece of advice is not to register for a set of pots/pans-- just pick the ones you need. For me, that was cheaper overall, and I don't have useless items cluttering my kitchen.
As things arrived, I split them into piles-- things I knew I'd keep, and things I wasn't sure about. In the end, I compared the value of my items and gift cards to the registry, and was able to exchange a few things for other more important items I hadn't received.
I only registered at one place (williams-sonoma) and that kept it simple. I price shopped a bit and did use some cash gifts to buy items cheaper at a few other stores.

On the whole, though, I opted to keep cookware, bakeware electrics, and tools, yet returned a few serving dishes and decoratives. I figured that as we travel during our marriage, we can pick up some things like that as memorable souvenirs. Honestly, we use everything we got, and are thrilled with how our registry turned out.

One other tip: as I got new things, I boxed up the older stuff. Once I boxed up all the items I was parting with, I put it on Craigslist. I listed it in late July as great starter stuff for college kids-- sold the whole box for about $150 to two very appreciative young girls. :)