Foisting the costs of entertaining on my guests is not what I expected to read about from the title.

Same here, I was thinking more along the lines of money saving tips. If I'm having a party, I'm not asking friends coming over to "bring their own meat" That just feels tacky.

Alcohol though, most parties people say byob I go to. Its just easier and everyone can chip in.

Many barbeques I've been to have been of the "bring your own protein to grill" type. Guests bring what they like, while the hosts provide everything else -- drinks, sides/salads, grilled veggies, dessert.

I always thought it was a fairly neat solution to sidestep various dietary restrictions and preferences guests might have, and also keeps costs down a bit. And the host isn't asking the guest to COOK a dish.

Obviously this would only apply to a larger gathering.

Asking others to do all the cooking for you so that you can focus on "flowers and cloth napkins?" Sheesh, why not just charge people $10/plate as the cost of admission?

If I'm throwing a party, I am providing food and drink. Period. It's nice if people show up with a bottle of wine or some beer, but not necessary or expected. When I had less money this meant inexpensive, simple foods, paper napkins and cheap beer/wine, and cocktail parties instead of dinner parties, but it can be done.

I consider it standard practice to bring at least a 6 pack or bottle of wine to a party (unless you're bringing something else of course).

In anticipation of having friends over to grill in the summer, I've been buying and freezing meat, poultry, and seafood whenever I see a good sale. Right now I have a freezer full of tenderloin tips, chicken breasts, and butterflied jumbo shrimp.

@austinpeahen & jmorri26, I've gone to many cook outs where the host asked guests to bring meat. It's usually because the host decided to host at the last minute due to nice weather and they don't want to overbuy in case many people can't make it. Since I always run a little late, I call on my way to see what they need more of and pick it up en route -- there's almost always enough meat, but never enough buns.

@akay and leapkate Weird with the meat thing. Maybe its just the good southern hostess in me, but I can't picture asking people to bring meat or anything else for that matter. If its a group of friends meeting up to bbq, sure, but then its more of a potluck type thing anyways and things like that, its fun to have everyone chip in.

Just like hlg22 said, if I'm having a party that means food and drink provided by me to my guests. If I'm having people over for dinner, same thing. If I cant pull all that off or need something easy, have them over for drinks and snacks or something similar. Specify it though. I've gone to many friends houses for just snacks. It doesn't seem silly to think if you can't afford parties, don't have them! :)

Maybe I'm old fashioned but if you're throwing a party and having people over, it's on you. I'm sorry but I'm tired of having to make dishes, pack them up and stop to buy wine or beer. Yes, it's nice to be with friends but am I the only one that feels that it's the host's responsibility to throw the dang party their inviting you to?

I don't have much money and I kind of feel that if I'm going to spend $15-$20 on food and beverage (because really, can you show up with the cheapest wine on the shelf?) I'd rather just go out with my friends somewhere. Having to run errands and cook is something I do enough of already.

I get it, but it is kind of annoying to bring your own meat (like, if I only want half a brat, is that what I'm supposed to bring? Goofy), but consistently showing up empty-handed is just tacky and rude.

@Oven Mitzie, you mention that hosting a party is a responsibility, but being a guest is also a responsibility, not a privilege -- you're obligated to be gracious. I bring bottles that are under $10 most of the time: in fact, sometimes a friend and I will bring a cheap bottle that we paid for together. No one has ever cared how much it cost and stopping at a store is not the ordeal you make it out to be. If you can't spend 5 bucks to be a gracious guest, I don't understand how going out with your friends is more affordable.

Dear friends,
I'm throwing a party. Please bring the meat. And the alcohol. And if you don't mind, please bring a dish to pass as well.

I'd sooner die.

double negative

Wow, I am glad some of you people are not my friends. The point of having a get together is to spend time with people you like. If it is asking too much to pick up some booze or a package of hot dogs on the way then don't go.

I agree with Oven Mitzie. I was recently invited to a birthday party and asked to bring a side dish, alcohol and my own lawn chair! I passed up that invite because frankly it wasn't worth the hassle. now and then I'll ask people to byob or tell them the menu beforehand so if they have dietary issues they may like to bring a dish but I never require it like an admission ticket.
As a side note/pet peeve I HATE when they say to bring your own meat for a bbq. As a single person it is annoying to me to bring a package of something each time (no, I won't be eating those 4 chicken breasts or drinking those 6 beers). I don't mind sharing in the right circumstance but ugh, tacky.

In my experience, the people who absolutely never show up with some beer, wine, a bag of chips -- anything -- also happen to be the people who are widely known as cheapskates.

If you can't afford to throw a party, then you shouldn't throw a party. Asking people to bring food items to "your" party is having an underhanded potluck. Just call it a potluck and go with that. Same w/byob. You can still get together with friends and spend time with people you like w/out asking them to subsidize your party. Just call it a potluck so everyone knows they have to bring something.

Yes, it's bad manners to show up empty handed - you should bring a host/hostess gift, but it's not good manners to ask in advance for guests to bring those gifts in the form of food/drinks so that you can actually have a party.

Funny--I would never think of asking someone to bring food to a nice sit-down inside dinner I invited them to, but when it comes to outdoor parties, the standard around here (in my social circle) is more potluck style. But then it's not a party. It's a "hangout" or something. And everyone does it. And the host always ends up preparing extra for the people who inevitably fail to bring something.
@mdanger, why would you bring a whole package of food? Marinate a piece of chicken and bring it for yourself.

Love Missouri's own Boulevard Beer pictured above. :)

Huh. Maybe it's a Quebecois/Canadian thing, but the point of parties is to hang out with friends.

Most parties aren't straight-up potlucks (though my group of friends does a weekly brunch potluck that changes location each week - because we'd rather hang out and chat over bagels than stay home). That said, it's kind of an unspoken assumption that if you're invited for a dinner party and you drink, you're gonna bring a bottle of wine.

In the same vein, we do port-tasting and scotch-tasting parties. The host provides a bottle or two, glasses as necessary, and munchies or appetizers. Everyone else brings varieties of port or scotch, to pass around and share. That way, everyone gets to taste everything, and trade notes (and, frankly, expecting the host to buy 10 or 12 bottles of good scotch for a party is kind of ludicrous - not everyone has that much disposable income, and I'd feel incredibly spoiled making the claim that people shouldn't throw liquor-tasting parties unless they also supply me with booze. I mean, c'mon.).

With regards to the article, though: this is also not what I expected when talking about cheaper parties. What's about we all just give tips, instead? I'm pretty sure we could come up with something good! Here are mine:

1) Sangria parties! Large punch bowl. For every bottle of wine (red or white; cheap works), add: a few handfuls of chopped-up fruit (ideally soaked in a half-cup or a cup of brandy), pineapple juice (yes, you're supposed to use orange. this is better) and a bit of triple-sec. Some soda if you want to water it down a bit more.

2) Brunch parties: brunch food tends to be less expensive (waffles! grilled fruit!) and can be really pretty and impressive. If you're doing something interesting and out-of-the-ordinary, it can be just offbeat enough to be interesting as an evening thing, depending on the crowd.

3) If you're really stuck on cloth napkins/decor issues, please, just make your own. Pretty fabric on sale: cut into squares, hem. Done. This is not complicated. There's no reason to pay tons of money for this, unless you really want to.

4) Home-y food. Chili+cornbread. Shepard's pie. Soups and bread, or stews. You can make something really tasty that feeds a crowd, it doesn't have to be elaborate as long as it's good!

I have to echo what some other people have said: I'm glad some of you aren't my friends. Because wow, I've never been to a get together where most people don't bring SOMEthing. And the one couple/family who never brings anything? Nobody really likes them. When they host, however, they expect others to bring the meat, the side dishes, the drinks....

It's never about money for most of us. It's about time and sharing and enjoying one another. The people who make it about money...well, like I said, no one really likes them. If it's not common in your social circle to ask others to bring stuff, either don't host or go on the cheap.

Sarah Rae, I love your articles and didn't mean to be super harsh in my comment above, but really, I hate this. Entertaining is an art, and normalizing the idea of making your guests pay their own way when you asked them to spend time with you- it gets under my skin.

austinpeahen, I'm with you. Of course entertaining is about hanging out with friends. I value my friends enough to actually put some effort into it and create an event where all they have to do is come and enjoy themselves.

People also don't seem to be picking up on the distinction between voluntarily bringing a nice bottle of wine or other hostess gift, and being forced to furnish your own main course. Big difference.

Maybe it's just my group of friends but whenever we have a party, dinner, or get together the host gets swamped with either "what can I bring" or "how can I help". The main fare is usually provided by the host but sides, desserts, and beverages are often brought by guests. Last weekend I took brownies and a poundcake, both from scratch, to a fundraiser. This weekend friends are bringing veggies and dip, wine, and everything for s'mores to my weenie roast.

I have a lot of poor college friends (most several years younger than me) and since my boyfriend and I are the only ones with a house, we host a lot of the parties. Never dinner parties, mind you, though I have served "real" food on several occasions. At least half of the invitees always ask if they can bring something and I usually ask them to bring booze or a dessert or an hors d'oeuvre, but it's not required (we don't drink much, and we have a backlog of gift bottles of wine and beer, so we always have booze available). Making a veggie plate and buying some french bread and olive oil and a couple of nice kinds of cheese with some wine is all you need for a nice party.

Here are some ways to save cash when throwing real parties
- serve an alcoholic punch instead of bottles of beer or wine - your guests won't get as drunk and you'll only have to buy one or two bottles of booze
- serve a wide variety of munchies, that way everyone can find something they like and no one will go hungry
- keep it simple - my friends would rather I served bbq pulled pork on homemade buns than bacon-wrapped blue cheese sirloin steaks.
- choose seasonal ingredients as not only will they taste better, they are often cheaper.

If you are really too poor to throw a party, don't throw one. Or just have friends over for games and potato chips and soda or something. Not every party needs booze and a full meal!

I really don't have anything to add here, aside from "Hey, look! It's a Boulevard Unfiltered Wheat!"

So...carry on.

I don't mind bringing dishes to a potluck when it's actually a potluck. It's fun to make something and taste what others make.

Having guests bring stuff to a "dinner party" that you "host" is kind of cheesy though.

If you're just hosting a get-together that doesn't revolve around a meal, cheap appetizers can be concocted the day of the party. That way you're not buying meats or other expensive things. I think the bar is much lower for "finger foods" than it is for "a meal" so you can get away with low-budget stuff.

Homemade hummus is a ridiculously inexpensive but delicious party fod: cook a bag of dried chickpeas. Drain. Add a dab of tahini, garlic, lemon juice, salt. Whirl in blender, food processor, immersion blender, whatever you have. Serve with any kind of flat bread thing like chips, cut-up pitas, sliced baguettes (whatever's on sale that day).

Another cheap but healthy/tasty option: Cut up a bunch of in-season vegetables (bonus if you get them from a farmer's market) and throw them on a nice plate. Make a dip from "white stuff" in your fridge to your taste (mayonnaise, sour cream, cream cheese, milk, - proportions depend on taste and what's on hand) + chopped herbs or dry herbs from your cupboard (the choice of herb is yours). Let the flavors meld in the fridge for several hours.

I must be lucky as my guests are always very generous (nice wine, chocolates, speciality foods), although I never ask them to bring anything. I have asked a host if I could bring my own meat to a bbq, due to an impromptu invite, and a very nice beef rib that I had been looking forward to.

One thing I haven't seen brought up is NOT wanting guests to bring anything. Personally, when I entertain, I spend a lot of time menu planning and cooking everything. We have one friend whose wife ALWAYS brings a dish. I then feel obligated to serve it, and I feel awkward when no one eats it. It really, really irritates me, because we always tell them not to worry about it, we don't need anything. At this point, I actually find it to be really rude.

That said, I agree this article is a little silly. If YOU are throwing the party, YOU are responsible for things. Hosting a potluck is an entirely different animal. One of my most popular dinner party menus is one of the cheapest--fried chicken, mashed potatoes, green salad, and chocolate chip cookies. My friends also know what alcohol we typically have on hand (a couple of types of beer, vodka and gin), and will bring along something else if they prefer. Other than that, if you're coming to my house, bring nothing but your appetite, and leave your food at home!

Boulevard Wheat! Yeah!

I have to add that we are still in a recession and like many of you have said don't have much money. Well since money has gotten tighter the get togethers have become less and less. So if asking to chip in something is a hassle you can sit at home by yourself while the rest of us have a good ol' time!

My fiancee and I regularly host barbecues at our house, and we feel that asking our guests to bring anything is simply tacky. We're also past college with stable careers, so that is a major factor. We're currently planning our annual June barbecue, and this is how WE save money on feeding/drinking 40+ people every year:

1) Plan ahead.

Make a list of dishes that you'd like to serve several weeks ahead of time, and then scour grocery ads and coupons until the week of the party. For example, I love making a fruit-based salsa, so for the next couple of weeks I'll wait until I see which store has mango, pineapple or another item on sale, buy it, chop it, and freeze it to get ready.

The same goes for meat, which is usually the biggest expense. Clean out your freezer weeks before your party so you can stock it with ribs, burgers, etc. as they go on sale.

2) Punches and Kegs

We always serve sangria and we've found a great wine base that's only $3.99 a bottle by making friends with our local wine shop - most stores also offer a 10% discount if you buy a case. Mix the wine with whichever fruit is on sale that week, add some flattened soda and sugar, and you have plenty of cocktails for everyone.

Our state has a local distributor for kegs, and by calling for info on a regular basis we've been able to keep up with which beers are on sale each week.

3) Cooking Methods.

We have a smoker and, while the equipment is an investment, it turns cheaper cuts of meat into delicious party meals. Brisket, pork butt, pork ribs, roasts, chicken legs/thighs are really economical and taste so much better on a smoker, and you can achieve the same effect using a smoke box on any grill.

By using the tips above, we recently "catered" (we're not caterers, but were asked to help out a friend) a graduation party for 50 people for $300.

I agree with Ros: why complain when we can give our own ideas!!

Crockpot- these are great for making super cheap meals, not having to "slave" in the kitchen, and make a lot of food. I usually buy a cheap pork roast and have pork tacos or gumbo is also under 15 bucks for feeding 10 people.

Pasta party- pasta is pretty cheap and you can make sauces on the side for variety

Rice Balls!!- these are great!! sushi rice + whatever you want inside. and you don't need a ton of stuff for the fillings. I recently made spam fried in soy sauce as one filling and cucumber and mushrooms in spicy mayo for the other. and the rice is pretty filling. One bag of rice is 5 bucks and makes 40-50 balls.

BTW: love the brunch idea!!

We tend to a few (4-6) big parties every year and keep costs down by theming it--as other said, soup and bread, or chili; Mediterranean (bean dips, tabouleh; greek salad; homemade flatbread; gigantic beans, etc); soft tacos. We also stock up on our house red and house white when it is on sale, so we always have decent, reasonably priced wine around. But unless we are doing potluck with the neighbors (we do at least four themed potlucks during the nice weather months and a couple more during the winter), there is no expectation that people will bring anything. The party is our gift to them.

Wow, what a grumpy group. We frequently get together with friends and it's almost always like this. None of us are affluent as most of us are teachers, students, and other public servants. The point of the evening is to get together and enjoy one another's company.

Tonight, my friend invited us to a back yard bbq. I'm bringing a key lime pie, some veggies to grill, and have plans for a pitcher of adult beverages. He's providing the pork loin and a side dish. Another couple is bringing home made cookies and another side dish. Another is bringing chips, pitas, and salsa. We will all have a ton of food and a ton of fun and it won't cost anyone a bundle. It feels like a party, but it doesn't cost like a party. Win-Win-Win for us!

Wow I can't believe the comments here!

I have personally never asked anyone to come to a party of mine and bring food, but I've been asked to bring food to barbecues and it would never have crossed my mind to be offended. It's the easiest way to make sure you don't overbuy, and additionally everyone can ensure they get exactly what they want by bringing it along. BBQs are about friends and fun, and a pack of beer and a tray of hamburgers costs less than going out to eat anyway!

I guess people have said most everything, but I still feel like throwing in my two cents. In my world it is completely normal to ask "what can I bring?" The host can say "nothing," but usually asks for something specific to be added, although generally with the caveat "if you already have something around." In other words, please bring something but don't go out of your way. Potlucks are standard for larger groups of people. My friend and I even co-host Thanksgiving every year. I think that it is wonderful to take care of the entire meal if you have the money, but there is nothing wrong with sharing the expense of the meal. As a poor graduate student with poor graduate student friends (who all love to cook) this is the best way to spend time together.

Maybe this would work for young college students, but I would DIE of humiliation asking anyone to bring something! When people ask if I would like them to bring something, I may say a beverage of their choice... or something that I might have forgotten to pick up.

A girl I knew threw her WEDDING like this. BYObooze, BYOfood for everyone, and the kicker: NO PLUS ONES. I didn't go. You're the host. It's on you.

Money saving tip: Make punch instead of serving bottles of beer or glasses of wine or mixed drinks.

Make more sides than "mains" -- baked beans, potato salad, pasta salad, veggies, are all cheaper than meats.

Really enjoying this spirited debate, but I feel like much of it could be solved by simply acknowledging that there are different kinds of parties, different contexts, etc. For example, we are good friends with another couple, and often have each other over to eat. We always offer to bring something, and take each other up on it depending on a number of factors. However, last year I decided to throw a fancy dinner party, and while each of the invited couples asked if they could contribute, I thanked them but made it clear that this was the kind of event with a carefully planned menu, including drink pairings. Several of them did indeed bring a bottle of wine, but there was no expectation that they would, or that we would then use what they brought instead of our carefully selected pairings.

I think my rule of thumb is this: If we're meeting somewhere "off campus" for a casual get-together, then everyone pitches in fairly equally, with the person originating the plan doing the work of securing the location and organizing everyone.

If I'm having a casual get-together at my house, and you offer to bring something, I'll probably suggest dessert if I know that you like to bake, or a six-pack if I know you love poring over the craft brews at the beer seller. If I'm hosting a plated meal, I will provide everything and if you bring a hostess gift, I will be grateful, and a little bit excited because, "Presents! Yay!"

At this stage in my life (married, no kids) I haven't had much cause to think about how having a family would change things.

And, I am not going to lie: years back, just out of college, a couple I was friends with wanted to throw a fancy dinner party, and asked everyone ahead of time for a few dollars to go toward the food. I thought that was incredibly tacky. I told them I couldn't make it for the dinner but would join them after to hang out. I brought some chips and salsa. Call me uptight, but you just don't ask people to pay for the privilege of your home-cooked meal, no matter how much a chef you fancy yourself.

It seems that many people are forgetting that there are many ways of throwing parties and they don't all need to revolve around food. If you can't afford to have a dinner party, don't throw a dinner party. Have people over for a game night or to watch a movie. Do something outside of the house like bowling. I do find it insulting to have someone specifically request my presence at a dinner party then ask me to bring the dinner. I do agree though that among close friends you can come up with something that works for your group.

Astur, I agree wholeheartedly with your main point: "there are many ways of throwing parties." There's plenty of room in a social life for all different kinds of parties, including (but not limited to) parties that don't focus on food, parties without wine or spirits, potluck or cooperative parties that do revolve around food, and parties where the host provides every morsel of food and every mouthful of drink.

The Fella and I entertain a lot. Sometimes we make a huge spread of food, buy up a case of wine and a case of mixers to go with our fully stocked bar, and beg people not to bring anything to our already-overflowing table. Sometimes we make a full menu but our friends show up with a bottle of wine in hand, or a box of chocolates, or a homemade dip, in which case we serve them happily. And then we have the cooperative parties, where everyone pitches in what they can.

We even have a standing dinner with four of our friends. We all rotate hosting duties, and the hosts make dinner. One set of guests brings nibbles or hors d'oeuvres, and the second set brings dessert. Everyone brings beer or wine or mixers (which means sometimes the host ends up with a bottle for the shelf or fridge), and we enjoy each others' cooking as well as each others' company.

There's no one right way to entertain; what's important is finding the way that works for you and for your social circle.

@jenawithonen: that's just crazy. weddings are not supposed to be on the guests.

that being said, whenever my group of friends does a cookout or dinner together we all chip in. Since there are only three of us with "guest-able" homes, it's a good way to share the cost. HOWEVER, every Christmas I host a party and nobody is required to bring anything. I think it really depends on the occasion, but for most of the time we're happy to potluck.

These aren't the greatest suggestions I agree. That being said I have had parties both where I have cooked and provided everything and where guests have brought food, drinks, or dessert. Both ways are fun. Luckily for me my 2 best friends are foodies and everything they make is great. When money is tight I'd rather have an informal party where everyone chipped in and brought something than not see friends. With my group of friends we are just as happy to go out to an upscale restaurant as we are to have hot dogs and s'mores. I also am not friends with people who are takers only, so its not like I shell out a bunch for parties without my friends doing the same for me. It all evens out and that's what good friends do.

Silly post, awesome comments!

We do a lot of hosting and love showing hospitality. We do a mix of styles, often making a large meal (complete with roast, appetizers, etc), and other times we have bring-your-own-meat BBQs. I think there is a place for both. Often the BYOM-type parties are with groups of close friends and we all know that many of us are short $$. It allows us to provide a place for gathering frequently (many of them don't have large spaces), we make the atmosphere welcoming with drinks, sides, etc, and we can afford to do it often.

I think that hospitality is the point. Know your crowd. There are many people I wouldn't invite while asking them to bring something. On the other hand, contributions can make it all work well sometimes and the young guys we have over feel welcomed and not at all bothered by the BYOM. You have to know the relationships.

But opening your home - that is WONDERFUL, whatever your style.

This is a timely topic, very interesting posts, but a rather lazy article. I am looking for SPECIFICS.

My husband loves to spend on a big holiday party involving staff who love him, and I have added neighbors and friends to the mix, but this year I want to keep costs down. If it were summer, I could perhaps ask people to bring a salad or dessert, but not this time of year so close to xmas. And it really is our gift to our community. People will bring wine likely which is great, or perhaps a sweet treat.

So I am looking for specific holiday foods not expensive to feed a crowd that looks like it will be over 50. So far, I am thinking of chile, cornbread, salsa, chips, on the one cuisine side, and chicken curry with rice, (chutneys? other?) which I have done before and which we bought last year but I think spent more than we needed to. I won't buy prewashed lettuce but since I believe in greens, want to offer something there - a gigantic caeser salad? I think where we will indulge is on the h'oeur d'ouerves (sp????) - buy those - which make me crazy to think about, though if anyone has a suggestion for tasty appetizers that will not cost a fortune in $ and time to produce I am all ears.

We also don't have an easy sit down situation for so many. Suggestions here?

I like the punch idea (anyone ever had PIMMS?)

xoxox to you all! It was fun reading these posts.

I agree with the masses here, if you're hosting a party then you've already committed to the cost. If I am doing a potluck event it is with family and the closest of friends, and a dish is all I ask them to bring..the rest I take care of.

When I do larger parties, I plan ahead. All year I keep an eye out for clearance paper products that will fit into different scenarios...for example, I just got 50 red dinner plates from Christmas clearance for $1, and they can be used for NYE, Valentine's Day, etc....

Also, appetizer & dessert parties are alot cheaper and less costly than full meals, and if you plan appropriately, it can still be done around a meal time and everyone can be full. Crockpots of meatballs with an inexpensive sauce of canned cranberry sauce and bottled chili sauce is easy to whip up and filling. Bruscetta is also a big hit and filling. Buy large loaves of italian or french bread, bottled bruschetta topping and shredded mozzarella...warm it in the oven to melt the cheese and cut into bitesize pieces.

There are LOTS of ways to host a successful, and inexpensive party that will leave guests full and happy, and won't leave you broke :-).

Things that help budget a party

1)Seasonal?? Mulled wine (you can use any oul plonk, seriously). I add water and Orange juice to mine (which some of my friends say is their fave), you can have a cup and still be under the limit for driving.

2) Plan a good 2 months ahead (issue invites about 3 to 4 weeks ahead) and keep an eye on what's on sale in your local supermarket.

3) Cheese & Crackers and grapes are always good back up.

4) Plenty of soda/soft drinks/juice!!

5) Co-host.... if for example you have friends or family that have children that share birthdays, or neighbours that also have friends and family visiting for the holiday.... You get the drift.