This week we're launching our Gatherings from The Kitchn series, with my Italian polenta supper the first of many dinner parties we'll share with you this year. What makes a great dinner party? Besides food, wine, and friends, what are the easiest ways to set a dinner party atmosphere? Here are my own top 5 habits for setting a dinner party atmosphere; these are all really simple things -- you may do them too without even thinking about them! -- but I'm curious to share, and for you to tell me if you do things differently! Here are my top 5 tips for creating a really good dinner party atmosphere...
Actually, this is the most important thing...
Before I tick off my five most important checklist items for the dinner party table, though, let's talk about the actual most important thing.
I think that by far most important part of a great dinner party is a relaxed, hospitable host, one who's game for whatever the evening holds, ready to enjoy the people around the table. Whether you're spreading a feast or a simple dish and are feeling stressed or utterly at peace, your guests are here to spend time with you in your own household. Great dinner party warmth begins and ends with the spirit of the host.
I fail in this almost all the time. I am by nature a rushed and harried host, angling for perfection, scrambling for that just right serving dish I hid somewhere accidentally, chopping a last minute garnish, fussing and bustling to avoid the quieter challenges of relaxing and making myself present to my guests. At my best (rare!) I consciously prod myself to leave that last dish, sit down, and open my eyes to the people at the table.
Gathering people around the table is an all too rare occurrence these days. The meal is an excuse to practice being yourself in the presence of friends.
5 Tips for Creating Great Dinner Party Atmosphere
In that context -- on to the mundane things of the table. Skipping one or two of these will not make your dinner party fail (and having them all won't automatically make a great dinner party either -- see above). But these are gracious touches that, in my opinion, form the base of great dinner party atmosphere.
- Turn down the lights. When I lived in a little apartment with an eat-in kitchen that had horrible harsh overhead light, I compensated by plunking a lamp on the table and turning off the overheads. There's nothing like dimming the lights to set a mood, and it's the easiest thing to do.
- Light some (cheap) candles. Candles add movement and warmth to the table. I keep stacks of them around and burn a couple nearly every night at dinner time. This doesn't need to be an expensive habit; I buy votives at IKEA, or look for glass jar candles like these, which when bought in bulk are super cheap and will last you a good long time.
- Use fabric napkins. There are eco-friendly reasons to use cloth instead of paper, but they are just a bonus, for me. I like the feel of a substantial fabric napkin on my lap, and it adds a gracious touch to the table. Again, they don't need to be expensive. I have a huge stack of IKEA TEKLA towels that a friend cut in half and hemmed. That red and white rustic look is perfect for almost every dinner party around here!
- Bring in warm colors. This may just be a personal preference, but I like to have one spot of warm color on the table. Food tends to be warm, and I like to set it off with a flower or two, or a colorful trivet or towel under one of the dishes. Once again -- this doesn't need to be something lavish, like a florist's centerpiece. Snap a sprig of holly off a bush, or spread a few fall leaves under the candles.
- Turn on the music! Last but not least, don't forget the music. What's your favorite dinner party music? We've been dining to a lot of Miles Davis and John Coltrane lately, and for larger parties I like to play an iTunes mix of folk and Americana -- Patty Griffin, Emmylou Harris, the Avett Bros. and more of their kindred spirits. We make sure the volume is low enough to easily talk over. The music fills in silences, and adds a sense of motion to the evening.
Bonus points: Make sure there's water (and water glasses) on the table (seems obvious but it's easy to overlook in last minute dinner prep). Also, salt and pepper!
The best thing about these 5 tips is that you can easily, cheaply do them on any evening, with any company. Alone for the evening with a good book? Spread a napkin, light a candle. Eating with kids and husband? Make it an occasion. These are scene-setting basics that work for 1 to 100.
Your turn! Do you do any of these things on a regular basis? When you have friends over to dinner, how do you set the dial to relax?
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Great tips here, I would only add that I love to have some sort of little bite and a festive drink ready (not necessarily alcoholic) right when guests arrive. It sets a welcoming tone for the whole evening...
Two food thoughts:
1) don't serve something you haven't cooked before, unless you're serving carry-out. Unexpected cooking problems are stressful.
2) Plan your menu, then simplify. It's a lot to get the place cleaned-up, the shopping done, the table set AND prepare a complicated meal. Spend your time cleaning up and setting a lovely table and let the food be easy.
I am good at being relaxed by the time people arrive (unless they're early, in which case I love to chat in the kitchen, and put the willing to work), but I am TERRIBLE in that I always critique my own food and ask others to as well. It detracts from the enjoyment, but perpetual cook that I am, I'm always analyzing everything, especially since I often try new dishes when having guests over.
Pre-cooking most things is key, unless you have a giant kitchen people can hang out in and chat with you while you stir a pot, check on something in the oven, or plate things.
I do love colorful, but coordinated serving dishes. My favorite colors (jade green, butter yellow, coral, and turquoise) coordinate well with white, and I have enough of each that I can mix and match pieces to suit the mood and the season.
My number one rule for dinner parties (after throwing many a frenzied dinner party) is to make as much ahead of time as possible. What I found was that when people hang out in the kitchen (as they will) while I'm cooking, they sort of just get in the way and make me divide my attention.
I'll most often choose something I can make the day before and reheat. Alternately, if I want to make fish or something fast and at-the-moment, ALL my sides are made the day before, and they'll be able to be served cold, at room temp or simply reheated.
I must be a relaxed host, because I try new recipes on my guests all the time. My theory: I have pizza and Chinese places on speed-dial ... if worse comes to worst. But it never does. I always have enough food that if somebody doesn't like something there are plenty of other things to eat.
Some of my tips to create the "special" atmosphere:
1. Put out an appetizer or two that's not served at table. It gives the cook breathing room, entertains early guests, and the starving people aren't giving you the evil eye if you don't serve quickly enough for them.
2. Have a simple but atypical drink to go with the appetizer. Always have a non-alcoholic beverage, too, and if you have young guests, something festive for them such as sparkling grape juice so they can hold a wine glass, too. They invariably love it. I set up a bar in the living room with the appetizer, napkins, little plates if necessary, beverages, and glasses and invite guest to help themselves.
3. Have the table set in an attractive way before the guests arrive. If you have "good" china, get it out. At least add nice placemats or a table cloth. I agree with Ms. Durand that cloth napkins, a few candles, and low lights set a festive tone. I go easy on the music, though. I love music ... so much so I find it distracting. I always play something soft in the background. Jazz or classical.
4. Buy the best bread or rolls you can afford (or make something if you have mastered that) and have real butter. Most people I know don't serve bread with normal dinner and it makes the meal seem more like restaurant service.
5. Have a dessert. Even if it's something you buy. It's that something-extra and people can pass if they're full. But make a choice that balances the meal. Light if the meal was heavy. Heavier if you didn't serve too many carbs. Even a plate of fine chocolate candies to pass around with coffee works fine. But go all out if there are young people. Kids love to be dazzled by dessert. Judging from reactions and requests for seconds, apple pie is the favorite dessert I serve. I even have people request it for their birthday dinners.
Here's my most dramatic dinner party fail: I made a big Easter Sunday dinner once for a crowd. My dazzle-the-kids dessert was red velvet/white icing cupcakes with jelly beans on top, served on a huge platter covered with green Easter straw. Everyone took a cupcake ... and the papers wouldn't come off! The red velvet batter had welded itself to the paper holders. Everyone laughed, though, and happily dug out their cake with spoons. My nieces will tease me about it until the day I die. "Tell Auntie to bring her special red velvet cake. It's unforgettable."
Offer a drink and nibbles as soon as people arrive. For me, it's all about the food, so my energy goes into sourcing great ingredients.
I noticed there is a cell phone on the table. I think it's rude for guests to have their phones out during meal time. Have a basket by the door where guests put their phones until after meal time.
Wow, Sherri S--good catch. That person would NOT be invited back to my house! Even if they are an on call doctor 24 hours they can keep it in pocket or purse.
I enlist the friendliest guest to take coats if it is winter, or pass around snacks/aperitifs. They make everyone just arrived feel at ease. I get the shyest guest to be my wine steward at the table, making sure the next bottle gets opened and the glasses stay full. That way I don't have to worry about it, and they get a chance to interact without necessarily having a long involved conversation.
And last but not least....port after dinner. For some reason everyone loves that, even if they don't partake.