Does he have trouble with just refined sugar or with natural sugars and carbs? If it's carbs in general that are causing trouble, you might want to try the paleo diet, with more protein and healthy fat for him, and more vegetables for you.

If he can't eat very large portions, he's going to have to have A LOT of smaller meals and snacks throughout the day. When you cook make sure to use full-fat/full-calorie ingredients (e.g., whole milk, full-fat cheese and yogurt, good amounts of oil/butter, etc.)--to modify for yourself can you eat a smaller portion or have something else? (My husband and I sometimes eat different things for dinner, depending on what we feel like having! May sound strange to some but it works for us.)

As far as snacks go, nuts and dried fruits are great--they're high calorie and low in (refined) sugars. Dried fruit of course has a ton of sugar but hopefully it won't have the negative effects on your bf that baked goods do.

Good luck!

Make sure you use a lot of healthier fats like olive and coconut oil. Also, keep in mind that the fat in well fed animals is better for us than the fat in corn fed animals. Tacos and burritos are great examples of areas where you can share the base of the meal but he can go heavy on cheese and sour cream while you opt for less cheese and low fat or fat free Greek yogurt instead. Good luck!

I second the paleo/primal diet. It has done nothing but good for my personal health while allowing me to eat delicious food. If interested, these links contain some good info:

http://robbwolf.com
http://www.marksdailyapple.com

Eating loads of pasta and other carbohydrates should help, to. And frying some of your foods.

My mum had some dental issues a while back, so that she couldn't chew for a whole year. She got herself things similar to SlimFast to drink additionally. (She hated it, though. So I don't know whether that's a real alternative.)

Pasta pasta pasta. one serving has 200 calories so if he can get a couple of servings of that with some hearty meat sauce that would be a pretty sizeable meal.

Also snacking on natural peanut butter can help rack up the calories to. Most peanut butters are 200 cals for just 2 tablespoons. For breakfast he can have PB mixed with granola and bananas. Bananas are a nice high calorie fruit

Sarah- I really think that your boyfriend needs to see a registered dietitian(RD). Actually who ever your BF's PCP (primary care physician) should have referred him to see an RD. Dietitians are trained to help people with specific nutrition needs like your boyfriend's. They help with meal planning to make sure people get the right about of macro and micro nutrients.

Speaking as an RD, there are many other ways besides adding highly processed foods to your diet to increase calories. Adding heart healthy fats like olive and canola oils to foods is one way, also increasing the frequency of meals to every couple of hours will help him consume plenty of calories without becoming too full at single meals. He may want to talk to an RD or go back to his PCP to see if he should start taking a multi vitamin to help with any potential nutrient losses. As for the sodium issue, this is definitely something I would take up with an RD.
Hope this helps! Take care!

My adult son lived with me for 2 years, very ill, weight 145 height 6'2". Initially I fed him the opposite of "diet food"--tons of carbs and junk food, food supplemental shakes and so forth. Didn't work. We changed to a balanced healthy diet with lots of vegetables, healthy fats and leaner meats and dairy and he began working out daily as his health improved. It took 2 years but he is 180 and all lean muscle. The exercise stimulates appetite for him even though he is burning calories. I also highly recommend seeing a registered dietitian as they usually know a lot more than your PCP about these things. My son has HIV and maintaining his weight is essential for his survival.

Can he eat fruit? What about smoothies? You can add things like protein powder to get the calories up.

Avocado jumped out to me as a good addition.

LOL...he should eat everything that I'm avoiding in order to lose weight. :) In my opinion, the bulk of his diet should be high carb foods like pastas (mixed with full fat cheeses, full fat milk, lots of lean protein) oatmeal (cooked with full fat milk, dried fruits and natural nut butter, top with full fat granola) and breads (spread with natural nut butter.) For snacks, either a protein shake, couple of protein bars, or handfuls of nuts. For you, I'd have a small amount of what he's having and a side of soup or salad at dinner.

Good luck!

I would think natural peanut butter in between meals would be a big help (lots of protein and fat). He can also try Boost supplements - my brother used them when he needed to gain weight, they have various types including high protein & the chocolate actually tastes good! Same for protein powder which can be great added to milk!

Avocados and high in calories & in healthy fats and not sugary. Also super yummy on toast as well as in salads, guacamole, sandwiches, etc. Not a total solution but it should help!

Oh and cook dishes with coconut milk! Again it is super high calorie but a natural food item. Also yummy!

I found these lovely bars called "ThinkThin." They are 20 grams of protein and no sugar. And it isn't completely chemical laden, either. All of these suggestions are good ones to help him get to his intake needs. Also, soy sauce (a good one that has no caramel coloring) can help with the sodium because it adds flavor instead of just salt. My hubby eats it on everything, even fruit. He has a higher sodium need than most people, too.

I third the paleo/primal suggestion from above. It's easy to get those diet recomendations into high calorie ranges WITHOUT sugar or refined carbs.

If he's having digestive issues, there's a good chance that refined grains will make that worse, even if only subtly.

I never thought I had an issue with grains or dairy, but after going on a strict paleo diet for about a month, I discovered that both of those food types make me feel "less than great", but I never would have considered it if I hadn't taken them out of my diet to see what the difference was.

Nuts, seeds, and butters made from them are easy to add to dishes. Sliced almonds, sesame seeds, or toasted sunflower seeds can be sprinkled on top, or try adding tahini or peanut butter to sauces or smoothies. You can buy these pre-salted for more sodium.

If he's having lots of fat from animal sources, be careful not to have too much saturated fat or cholesterol as those can cause serious heart problems. A dietitian can give you specific recommendations and recipes.

Oh, and I second the avocado and oil thing. These don't have cholesterol, but coconut oil is high in saturated fat.

Think Cheese. It is a nutritionally dense food that is high in fat, and high in sodium. And he can eat nuts, too.

BUT: Cheese needs to be balanced with fiber or he'll have another health problem. Si to avocados, also beans and cornbread. Actually---he needs to eat at a Mexican food restaurant every day!

I would also point him toward a Paleo/Primal regime. Absolutely avoid misnamed "healthy whole grains". Load up on the good fat like coconut, avocado, and olive oil.

Maybe some freezable, portionable casserole type meals? You could have a smaller portion and he could have a second helping in an hour or two when he's digested some. Au gratin potatoes and sweet potatoes, stuffed shells or baked ziti, lasagna.

This was my question- thanks so much for all the helpful suggestions! And, to answer one of the questions- yes he's seen a RD, but they haven't been very helpful because they aren't exactly sure what is causing him to feel awful after meals. He's just noticed on his own that sugar has been a trigger. Thanks again for all your suggestions! I have lots of new ideas to make for him.

Healthy fat! Whole raw milk, coconut oil, organic grass fed meat, eggs, nuts, organic grass fed butter, organ meats, cod liver oil.

Check out undergroundwellness.com for some good advice and great podcasts.

My extreme sympathies. I suffered for 4.5 years with an undiagnosed wheat allergy. Get him tested - it's a simple blood test and it could save his life - celiacs folks especially can end up with stomach cancer. And switch doctors if they don't give you a good answer. They get paid pretty well, you know!

Maybe explore Chinese and Indian foods? There are lots of Chinese dishes that involve frying and large amounts of rice (carbs), plus soy sauce for the sodium. And a lot of Indian food is made with cream-filled sauces and more rice. Other than that, I second the pasta recommendation.

Just wanted to reiterate what was already said, if this is a medical condition he should be referred to a registered dietitian. People of course can give meal suggestions but they will have a better idea of what nutrients he needs more of and what things he should be avoiding.

From on top of my head: snacking on lots of nuts (lots of oil and protein), peanut or almond butter, sunflower seeds, and whole fat cheese throughout the day. Toasted soy also tastes great, and is nutritious.

For breakfast, whole fat cottage cheese (you can buy this in big tubs for pretty cheap at Russian or Eastern European stores, sometimes called "European Deli"; or make it yourself by curdling heated whole milk, then straining) with creme fraiche (easy to make yourself).

For dinner you can do cheesy pastas with lots of cheese and creme or half and half substituted for milk. Furthermore, milk with higher than 3.5% fat tastes better, so add some creme or half and half to his milk, and he can drink that through out the day.

Sausages and cured salamis have high fat and sodium content and are delicious. For those I again recommend Eastern European or Russian stores, since they have lots of high fat salamis and sausages for mostly reasonable prices.

@whalermeg : the person (Sarah from Brooklyn) who asked the question commented upthread.

whole fat greek yogurt, avocado, bananas, peanut butter (the kind you get in the organic section often contains nothing but peanuts, so no added sugar), protein powder.... add a little butter to whatever sauce you're making. Butter in tomato sauce is particularly delicious.

I second full fat dairy of all kinds. You can add sour cream or cream cheese to a lot of tasty pasta and/or vegetable dishes very easily. Refried beans done in bacon fat? With lots of cheese? That's a favorite in our house, although alas we don't have the problem of losing weight if we don't eat high fat foods.

My boyfriend had a VERY high metabolism in high school and college and is very tall. In college he was drinking a quart or more of whole milk at every meal, just to try and keep from losing weight. Of course, he grew up on a dairy farm, so he could practically drink light cream as if it were milk. Lol.

I'm surprised no one mentioned fried foods! Tempura battered veggies, fried chicken, chicken fried steak, etc. Especially if you use healthier, high-heat oils like sesame or peanut oil.

Oil-and-vinegar-dressed vegetable salads can also be a good way to get fiber and vitamins in his diet while keeping up the calories.

If he still wants sweets but can't handle sugar, unsweetened roasted fruit topped with heavy cream or full fat yogurt or ricotta would make a good dessert. Apples, pears, and stone fruit (peaches, plums, etc.) are particularly good when roasted. If he can handle local honey (stuff from China often has corn syrup in it) or real maple syrup, that would be a good way to get a little sweetening in there.

As someone who also has digestive issues and needs to consume way more than the average amount of calories a day, I can understand what you are going through. I think the key is to snack ALL the time. There is not a waking hour in the day in which I do not eat something. Nuts, cheese, protein bars, smoothies, crackers and peanut butter are staples in my diet. While I have worked with a dietician in the past, I have found listening to my body to be the best way to decide what to eat and what works for me. If I am craving protein I go for eggs, nuts and lean meats. For most people with digestive issues anything with a high fat/grease factor is not going to work. Fat can be hard to digest and often signals the stomach to produce extra acid which is not what you want.

I wish you and your boyfriend the best. Keep trying new foods and listen to your cravings to determine what you need.

My thought would be eggs. Quiche or frittata are both good and filling and generally have eggs and cheese. You can add veggies and meats that he/you like.

My first thought:

Cover everything in a rich homemade gravy. Mmmmmmm.

Roast a chicken and make a rich gravy with the pan drippings - make smaller portions for you and bigger ones for him. You have the breast, give him the richer dark meat with more calories/fat. Give him the crispy skin. Go meat crazy - I'm thinking pork spare ribs slathered in a beautiful bbq sauce. Really meaty, hearty chili with beans for the extra carbs. Chuck roast that's been braised with oregano, bay leaves and onion. Beef stew. And serve it all with hunk of buttery cornbread or biscuits.

Good luck!!

I had to jump in and comment because your boyfriend may have the same issues my husband and son have. They both have fructose malabsorption, which means eating certain kinds of sugars (especially those found in fruits and vegetables) makes them lose weight.

I'd recommend getting him to a digestive specialist if you haven't already, so they can diagnose it. It's just a simple, painless breath test. If he does have a certain kind of malabsorption like that, the KINDS of food he eats will matter more than the quantities.

For example - when my son was 6 months old, he wasn't gaining enough weight, so I fed him high-calorie foods like avocado and sweet potato. Turns out avocado and sweet potato are really bad for you if you have fructose malabsorption, so he kept dropping weight. What they both have to eat is high-fat foods like pasta (made with specific kinds of grain; other kinds are a no-no), cheese, meats, potatoes and minimal other fruits and veggies.

My point is to try to get a diagnosis so you can find out if it's certain types of foods causing the problem, then avoid those foods and drudge everything else in high quantities of olive oil. (1 tbsp has 100 calories!). If you need more help, send me an email! Don't want to post my address here, but my blog is www.viewalongtheway.com - contact me there. Good luck to you!

You can make healthy foods for you; and then modify them slightly for him - think lean ground beef chili for you; with some salt, a tablespoon of olive oil added to his portion, and sour cream and cheddar on top for him. (Over rice too).

That also works for soups or stews - make it lean for you, then add the most calorically dense thing (fat) in as many forms as possible (e.g. olive oil, dairy) for him; with carbs if he can handle them.

When my grandfather couldn't stop losing weight and the doctors wanted him to maintain/gain weight, they advised that his caretakers give him 1-2 beers a night (not light beer, obvi). That obviously won't work if carbs (not pure sugar) are the issue...and obviously he shouldn't go overboard...but a beer with dinner is an easy way to add 120-200 calories to a meal...

Stews, soups, chili, and pasta - all easy to serve in small portions, and easy to add calories for him with toppings, bread, etc.

Also, have you looked into the blood type diet or a raw diet? I've heard amazing things about both (I'm loosely following the blood type diet right now and can definitely tell when I've eaten something I shouldn't have). Check out www.dadamo.com for info on the blood type diet.

Good luck!

dates are loaded in calories and natural sugar for the small size of them... 2 are over 100 calories, so that would be a great snack!!

He should eat lots of snacks like, avocado and toast, lots of roasted nuts, peanut butter and carrots, cheese, cured olives, roasted veggies drizzled in great olive oil. Additionally, he can eat hummus with cut up veggies, beef jerky (try artisinal jerky!), steemed whole milk with vanilla or cinammon, ice cream!, whole fat yogurt adding some of this stuff throught out the day will def. add up.

Natural Peanut Butter!!!!

Good ideas all around! I feed the man in my house lots of full fat greek yogurt, a glass of milk with dinner, eggs, hummus, and nuts! They are good ideas for snacks between meals too.

Whatever he eats, he should keep a food diary. The dietician might have said the same thing, but it will help him work out what causes his symptoms (if it is dietary).

Don't forget salmon - good fats, lots of calories.

It's great that he's already figured out one of his triggers-- like Doddibot suggested, keeping a food diary would certainly be helpful.

If you're concerned about health, I'd limit the dairy to an extent, but full-fat dairy is certainly a good way to add some calories. Eggs are terrific-- my husband will eat just about any healthy dinner I make if I throw a poached or fried egg on top. Hardboiled eggs make for great snacks, too.

Like everyone's said, nuts, seeds and nut/seed butters are great. If soy isn't a problem food for him, that's a great high-protein food-- you can find dry-roasted edamame, unsweetened soymilk, soy butter, not to mention tofu and tempeh. Obviously don't overdo it (that should be the case with any food), but they're all great sources of protein and calories. (Adding lots of beans in general would probably be wise-- fiber is good for most every digestive issue.)

I also second avocados, though I would recommend having him tested for fructose malabsorption, if he hasn't been tested already. Same goes for celiac, lactose intolerance, really any of the major digestive disorders. I really hope you guys can figure out what works for him.